


My Way to You

by misguidedghost800



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon compliant until 2x07, Danvers Sisters, Directorship - Freeform, F/F, Flirty!Lucy, Fluff, Fluffy Angst, I miss Lucy Lane, I'm so sorry, It's been a tad smutty maybe more to come (Pun intended???), Jealousy, Mild Angst, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Minor Supercorp starting in Chapter 10, Oblivious!Alex, Pining, Sanvers - Freeform, Sanvers Endgame, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, director danvers, is that a thing?, jealous!Lucy, jealous!maggie, miscommunications, unrequited feelings, wow emphasis on slowwwwwww burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 10:14:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10358079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misguidedghost800/pseuds/misguidedghost800
Summary: Lucy is back and Alex and Maggie's relationship continues to change as Alex figures herself out…with a little bit of help from an old friend. How will Maggie react to Lucy being in Alex's life? Will she figure out her feelings for Alex in time?Chapter 10 just posted!Featuring: Danvers Thanksgiving and some Alex and Maggie fluff. Happy #SanversWeek everyone!





	1. A Familiar Face

**Author's Note:**

> Just working with an idea that's been in my head for a while because I miss Lucy and I would love to have seen how she would have fit into Alex's story arc in Season 2.

Alex had a long day, both her body and her ego were bruised after she was knocked back and tossed by an alien whose limbs smacked against her like concrete blocks. She had already tossed back two tequila shots, not her usual dose of poison, but she craved the warmth and looseness that she knew tequila would provide her with. Between the DEO, accepting her newfound gayness, and wrestling with her unrequited feelings for Maggie, Alex was _fucking exhausted_.

She was beginning to feel the light haziness of the alcohol in her system when her phone buzzed with a text from Kara.

 

 **Sister <3: [9:47 pm] **Don’t leave the alien bar! I have a surprise!!!!! :D <3<3<3

 

Alex chuckled to herself at her puppy sister’s over usage of exclamation points and emojis. She fired off a response and tossed back another shot, turning her head when she heard the creaking of the bar door opening followed by greetings from her sister. Alex flashed Kara a smile that only widened when she saw what her sister’s surprise was, a sorely missed, familiar pair of green eyes framed by thick, dark lashes, and short dark brown hair.

 

“ _LUCY!”_ Alex ran over, stumbling only slightly as she got off the bar stool. She wildly flailed her arms, accidentally bumping into Kara, as she wrapped Lucy in a tight embrace.

 

“Hey! Rude! You’re never that excited to see me!” Kara pouted, Lucy laughed, and Alex bumped her shoulder and gave her sister a pointed look.

 

Kara left the two alone as she headed to the bar to speak to M'gann, while Alex grabbed Lucy’s hand and led her to the booth she typically occupied with the Superfriends.

 

The two women couldn’t stop smiling as they soaked in the familiar company, both attempting to speak at the same time, then laughing at the somewhat awkward moment.

 

“Major Lucy Lane, it’s really good to see you again. It’s been too long.” Alex spoke softly and nudged her side. She couldn’t help but notice how _good_ Lucy looked. Now that she knew she was gay, and recognized her feelings as an attraction, Alex took note of the soft look of Lucy’s dark waves, the pretty specks of brown in Lucy’s light green eyes, and the way her full glossed lips curved into a beautiful smile.

 

“Agent Alexandra Danvers. Oh, how I’ve missed you.” Lucy’s eyebrows quirked with her statement as she took in her friend’s appearance as well. _Ugh, Alex looks good. She always looks so damn good._ Lucy looked her up and down, appreciating the tightness of her jeans and the close fit of her v-neck that showed just a peak of cleavage. She licked her lips just slightly. _There’s something different about her though. If I didn’t know any better, I would think Alex was checking me out?_ Lucy shook the thought out of her head quickly and traced her hand down Alex’s arm and leaned in. _Some flirting won’t hurt anyone._

 

“C’mon Luce. You know I hate when people call me that.” She gave a playful shove.

 

Lucy gave her friend a knowing look. “So, tell me, what’s new in the life of Alexandra Danvers?”

 

\---------------------

 

Maggie gave the bar’s metal door a quick knock and said this week’s password. She strode into the bar, her shoulders were tense, but she was still riding the high that came from weaving through traffic on her Triumph. Maggie had a pretty boring day at the precinct and mainly just caught up on some mindless paperwork. Things were still a little off and awkward with Alex as they had recently agreed to be friends, but Maggie considered this progress. She meant what she said, she didn’t want a life without Alex Danvers in it and although she felt some stirrings of more-than-friendly feelings in her gut at the mere thought of Alex, she knew this was the safer route. She squashed those feelings down, hid them in a box, taped it shut, and hid it under her bed back in the far recesses of her mind. Friendship she could do. Relationships, not so much. _Just remember your stupendous track record, Sawyer. You can’t let Danvers be just another one of those girls. Keep it casual._

Maggie figured she could use a drink and a friendly game of pool and she was optimistic, hoping that she would run into her friend at the bar tonight. She walked over to the bar and signalled M’gann for a drink as she did a quick sweep of the room, searching for the auburn-hair of her favorite agent. Her eyes narrowed, her chest tightened, and she gulped loudly when she found said agent. Alex was sitting awfully close to a beautiful woman with tan skin, short brown hair, and wide expressive eyes. Maggie was a detective, so of course she detected the striking familiarity between the two women indicated by soft, lingering touches and unwavering eye contact. _Fuck._ _Who is she? She’s practically sitting in Alex’s lap!_

Maggie took another small step towards the pair, as though she was trying to get a better view to confirm that it was Alex. As soon as she saw Alex throw her head back and laugh, her beautiful laugh, she knew. _Fuck._ Maggie downed her shot and asked for another. She turned away from Alex and her mystery woman and grimaced at M’gann knowing that her thoughts were currently loud, desperate screams that could not be ignored by the telepath. A sense of nausea washed over Maggie’s entire frame, settling low in her belly. She rubbed her brow as the tension in her shoulders only grew. She knew what this feeling was, but she wasn’t a jealous person, not with her past girlfriends anyway.

 _Get a hold of yourself, Sawyer. You have no right to be jealous. You turned her down. You told her to live her life and to_ **_explore._ ** _You are the one who said you should stay friends. She is just a friend. Fine, maybe more. Your best friend. That’s it._

 

_Suck it up, Sawyer, you’re no good for her._

 

Maggie’s thoughts were racing, eating away at her. She took another shot, slamming the glass down, nearly shattering it. Maggie quickly got up from her stool and couldn’t help but give into temptation. She gave one last fast glance in Alex’s direction and they both paled slightly when their eyes met. Alex flashed a small, uncertain smile and gestured Maggie to come over, but the detective was already booking it out the door.

 

_Fuck._


	2. Catching Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy gets filled on what she's missed in Alex's life. Old feelings get rekindled? Maybe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter! I was so excited to see the great responses! It really encouraged me to get this second chapter up :)

Meanwhile, Lucy didn’t fail to notice the slightly pained look that flashed across Alex’s face as she stared across the bar. Their easily flowing conversation faced the first hiccup of the night. Lucy followed her gaze and was a bit surprised at the cause of her friend’s uneasiness, a beautiful, petite curvy woman with sparkling eyes and dark tresses. Lucy appreciated the perfect fit of the woman’s well worn leather jacket and her dark wash jeans, and she saw a glimmer of gold on her waistband,  _ Huh..why does a cop have DEO’s best agent  looking all nervous and tongue tied. Hell, Alex didn’t look half this nervous when she was strapped to a goddamn lie detector. I need to figure this out… _

 

“A friend of yours?” Lucy broke the silence gently. 

 

“Uh..a fr- uh- yeah...something like that, a friend.” Alex spluttered and did her best to hide her blush, raising her drink to her lips. Things were getting “better” with Maggie since they were trying to get back to what they had before, prior to that disastrous kiss. Sure, things were still rocky, Alex could admit it, but just as Maggie said, she didn’t want to imagine a life without her in it. So Alex has been doing her best to calm her nerves, suppress her feelings, and shove aside the pain she felt whenever Maggie was in her vicinity, serving as a beautifully painful reminder of everything she knew she couldn’t have, but yearned for so deeply.

 

Lucy looked over at her friend curiously. She recognized the strained look on her face and was brought back to memories of her own past. There was definitely more to this than Alex was letting on. 

“Al, we’ve been through a lot, yeah? Good and bad.  It’s been hard keeping in touch since both of us work so damn much, but I hope you know that I’m always here for you. I promise... you can tell me anything, even if you just need to vent, or rage, or get something off your chest.” Lucy softly encouraged her, taking Alex’s hand in her own, running her thumb gently over the knuckles of her friend’s calloused but still incredible soft hand. 

Alex’s breath hitched a little and Lucy saw. The beginnings of salty tears started to well in her eyes and Alex looked up to the ceiling and tried her best to shake them. When she felt like she could speak without her voice cracking, Alex pursed her lips, quirking them slightly to the side. 

“Luce, um- dammit, ok- I can do this.” A seemingly long moment passed.  “Luce, recently I realized something about myself that I kinda refused to acknowledge before, but I’m still the same person you always knew, but now...well, I like girls. I’m gay, Lucy.” Alex’s brow furrowed as she waited for her friend’s reaction. Lucy gave her a broad, beautiful grin that made her eyes shine and Alex released the breath she had been holding in. 

Lucy tugged on their joined hands and pulled Alex in her for a bone-crushing hug. She could feel a few hot tears wet her shoulder causing her only to squeeze tighter.

“You’re amazing you know that, right? I know you’re still the same badass, incredible, beautiful, loyal, and compassionate best friend a girl could ask for! I love you, okay? Nothing’s changed. And I want you to know I’m proud of you for telling me.  Aaaand between you and me-” Lucy brought her lips near the shell of Alex’s ear so she felt her hot breath against her, “now we can cross off lady-loving as another thing we have in common!” Alex gulped loudly and nearly shot out of her seat. She took a good long look at Lucy, staring at her in disbelief. 

 

“Wait, wha- you’re gay?? But Ja-James? Did you realize after? I’m so confused!”

 

Lucy chuckled at her friend’s rambling. “Al, I’m bi. I thought you knew? I don’t exactly hide it? Hell, I know I’m a flirt! Between Kara, Vas, and  **_you_ ** at the DEO...it’s a wonder how I got any work done.” She shook her head gently, laughing at the memories that rushed to her head. Under her joking claim, there was hurt that Lucy wasn’t necessarily ready to address, but she played it off well. She brought her hand to gently cup Alex’s cheek, using her thumb to softly brush away any errant tears. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” Lucy cooed and pressed a quick kiss to Alex’s forehead. 

 

Alex gathered herself and as Lucy’s words sunk in she couldn’t help but grin smugly at her friend. “Whatcha sayin, Luce? You had a crush on me or something?” Alex laughed at her own joke and bumped shoulders with her.  _ Had? Is Danvers here that clueless?  _ She expected Lucy to laugh with her, but she was met with serious eyes that seemed to stare directly into her soul. The moment was intense for both women, but Lucy took them out of their reverie. 

 

“Al, are you serious?”  _ Does she really not know?  _

 

“Have you seen yourself in action? Have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re smarter than anyone I’ve ever met! Plus, you’re a fuckin’ babe! You also have like the entire lesbian population of the DEO at your beck and call! I think you’ve been pinging gaydars for years?” Alex looked at her confusedly and pouted somewhat adorably, which only made Lucy all the more frustrated that Alex, beautiful and precious Alex, often failed to see her own worth or attractiveness.  

 

“Women have been throwing themselves at you for years, Al. Myself included.” Lucy chuckled to herself but her smile was tight lipped, Alex noticed but made no comment. Lucy was willing to share and joke that she was obviously attracted to the agent, but she was unwilling to share the extent of her feelings for her during her stead at the DEO. “It does a world of good to my ego though knowing that you weren’t just turning me down or ignoring me, you didn’t even realize I was flirting!” A brief look of pain washed over Lucy’s face but Alex failed to see it. “Heteronormativity’s a bitch, I feel you on that one. I didn’t realize I played for both teams until late in the college game, much to the General’s dismay of course. It’s okay that this is all new, Al. If you need anything I’m here.” Alex pulled Lucy in for another tight hug and pulled away a few moments later only for her to start running her finger along the rim of her beer glass. 

 

“She uh- that’s Maggie. She’s kinda the reason I realized I’m gay. We were hanging out a lot and getting closer and I just, I couldn’t get her out of my head ya know? I thought we were just like on the same wavelength all the time, we just clicked...I thought it was all platonic until I started getting jealous when I saw her with her ex. I kinda ignored that though and went back to being in denial. Mags- uh Maggie, she didn’t let that slide though. She called me out for liking her and hence, um, the gay panic.” Alex laughed at her own joke and looked up tentatively at Lucy, who was rubbing her arm up and down comfortingly. 

 

“So, uh, she’s an ex then?”

 

Alex pffted and spluttered and her fists clenched briefly until another wave of pain showed on her face, causing Lucy to regret the question. 

 

“Um, no, God no...as if she gave me that chance. Uh...she doesn’t like me like that.” Alex was starting to get choked up again as the overwhelming sense of residual humiliation, that was still coursing through her veins from that kiss that occurred only several feet from where they sat now, overtook her system. “She told me that I was fresh off the boat. That’s not her thing. She said she wants us to be  _ friends _ …” Alex’s lip trembled and her voice cracked at the last word and Lucy brushed away the hair that fell in front of her eyes.

 

“Al, I’m sure she’s great, like I trust your taste, but this gir- Maggie- she’s a  _ fuckin idiot _ . You’re a catch. Fresh off the boat or not. Anyone could see that! It’s gonna be okay, Al, I promise.” Lucy’s eyes told of great sincerity and it was the first real believable comfort Alex experienced since the whole kissing fiasco.

“The first heartbreak is always the hardest but you deserve the world, okay. If she isn’t willing to give it to you, someone will.” A soft smile graced Lucy’s face and her eyes had a glint that Alex just couldn’t place, but she felt her sincerity and gave her a shaky smile.

 

They remained in a comfortable silence for a little bit more, before they decided to hail a cab.  Alex insisted that Lucy stay with her for the night, and she didn’t put up much resistance. As they headed up the stairs giggling and swaying just enough to border on unsafe, they both realized they were much drunker than they previously thought. While Alex was washing her face, Lucy had managed to stumble a bit as she tried to peel her tight jeans off her legs. Alex walked out to find Lucy’s shirt riding up to show her tight abs and her legs hanging off a couch arm as she tried to shake the jeans off her ankles. Lucy, although she was not at all shy about her body, found herself blushing when she saw Alex shaking her head and laughing at her struggling. Alex tossed her a loose fitting shirt and a pair of shorts, and chuckled, “Put some clothes on, you drunk ass!”

 

“Hey! It’s Director-Cute-Drunk-Ass to you, Agent Danvers!” Between her sporadic giggle she managed to get Alex’s shirt on and decided to forgo the shorts, propped the pillows up on the couch, and flopped her body down, and wrapped herself in the throw that was slung over the back of the seat. Meanwhile, Alex had already shut the lights off and huddled herself into her unbelievably comfortable king size bed.

 

“Wha-Where the hell are you, Luce!”

 

Lucy groaned. “Stop shouting, Alex. What do you want?”

 

“Get up here! You’re not sleeping on the couch when this bed can easily fit both of us!”

 

Lucy couldn’t help but make a snarky comment. “Whoah there, Al, smooth way of getting a gorgeous girl in your bed!” She couldn’t see much as the soft moonlight was the only light source in the room, but she knew Alex was blushing a bright red and she laughed at her teasing remark. 

 

“Shut it, Lane! Before I kick you out of my apartment.”

  
“Yeah, yeah.” Lucy climbed in and after a few beats rolled over and gave a soft kiss to Alex’s head. “Night, Al.” She rolled back over to her side. Alex smiled sleepily to herself and let out a soft sigh before she fell asleep. Meanwhile, Lucy was still feeling hazy but her mind was screaming, _What are you doing? Why would you kiss her goodnight? She isn’t just some crush. She needs a friend. Just be a friend._ Finally as she calmed, Lucy felt her body relax and she sunk into the comfy bed, enjoying the soft perfume of Alex that surrounded her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep the comments coming! Let me know what you guys are thinking! Comments keep me motivated!


	3. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy and Alex's morning takes an interesting turn that wouldn't be complete without a surprise visit from Kara.

Lucy awoke with a start, she was a little disoriented and her eyes squinted and head ached at the bright rays of light that peeked through the windows. _I haven’t been this hungover in a while._ It took her a moment to recall where she was and was surprised at her current state. She realized she must have shifted toward the center of the bed as she slept and Alex had proceeded to wrap her up in a close embrace. Alex’s soft front was pressed against Lucy’s back while her head was resting on one of Alex’s toned arms while the other was loosely thrown over her waist. Lucy stiffened for a moment when she realized her position as a little spoon. However, she then allowed herself to melt into the touch. _Fuck. This feels good. Like unbelievably good. I always wondered what this would be like…_ Lucy savored the warmth of Alex’s taut body and let her mind wander and run through the events of the previous night. She would never say it out loud but she’s often wondered how it would feel to wake up in the strong arms of the DEO’s best agent.

Alex woke up with a face full of dark hair and her arms around… _Lucy? What the fuck? How drunk was I?_ Her body tightened and she heard her friend chuckle in her embrace.

“I didn’t take Alexandra ‘Badass Bitch’ Danvers as a huge cuddler.” Lucy’s frame shook as she let out a throaty laugh. “I always knew you were a softy,” Lucy said as she rolled over in the embrace so she could teasingly poke at Alex’s stomach.

 

Alex’s face turned a bright red. “Go fuck yourself, Luce!”

 

“Well.. it’s a little early for me, but if you insist, I could definitely give you a little show.”

 

Lucy didn’t think it was possible, but Alex’s already blushing cheeks only grew more red. She let out an exasperated breath and realized she was still so tightly intertwined with Lucy.

Just as about she was going to shift off of her, Alex’s attention was drawn towards her kitchen when she heard a fast whoosh and a yelp.

“Oh, RAO! Alex! Lucy! That was fas-” Kara turned away to face the kitchen covering her eyes as she stammered. “Ya know I figured Luce would be able to help you figure out your whole situation with Maggie, but finding you guys in bed together isn’t exactly what I was expecting!”

“Kar- wha? What are you even saying?” Alex exclaimed in frustration and looked back and forth between her sister and Lucy who was doing her best to bite her tongue and stifle her laughs.

“We just slept together!” Lucy’s laughter turned to wheezing. “Shut up, Luce! As in just sleeping. In the same bed. No funny business.”

Kara pffted and turned back to her sister and Lucy to see that Alex pulled up the sheet to cover them up more fully. “Sure...if you just slept then where the hell are Lucy’s pants?!”

Alex squinted at her sister in confusion. _Her pants? What’s Kara saying??_ She abruptly tossed back her linen sheets only to be met by the alluring sight of Lucy’s strong, tan legs and her old Stanford shirt riding up her muscular torso to reveal a pair of simple, yet suggestive black boyshorts. Alex’s mind was screaming while she felt her body heat up faster than she had ever experienced. Alex averted her eyes and disentangled herself from Lucy’s body which was now shaking with her fit of giggles.

“LUCE! Where the hell are the shorts I gave you?!?!”

Between wiping the tears in her eyes and her raucous laughter, Lucy managed to mumble a sort of apology or something that Alex understood as “You’re the one who told me to hop into bed with you! I wasn’t expecting company..I  just get really hot at night!”

“Shit...yeah I noticed, believe me…”

Alex froze.

Kara furrowed her brow and stared.

Lucy was sent into another round of laughs that concluded in a wicked smirk.

“Fuck, I just said that out loud, didn’t I?”

“Ha, yeah you did!”

 

Lucy leaned in close to Alex’s reddened and heated face. Her hot breath tickled her ear.

 

“Don’t worry, Al. I definitely am not complaining about the view I got to wake up to either.”

 

 _Oh man. It’s way too much fun teasing her. I probably shouldn’t- No, I definitely shouldn’- nah, I definitely should._ Lucy toppled down Alex’s little remaining sense of composure when she pressed a lingering kiss to Alex’s cheek, well closer to the corner of the mouth, _but hell, who’s keeping track?_ Lucy smirked as Alex began to ramble soft mutterings to herself. _She’s too cute._

 

“Alright, alright, break it up kids! I’ve seen enough of this! I’ll see you guys back at the DEO. Use protection, or whatever!” Kara flew out of the apartment in quick zoom of blue and red.  

 

\--------

 

_I’m gonna kill Kara. But, first I need to kill Lucy._

 

Alex whipped Lucy hard in the face with a firm pillow. “You’re such a little shit, Luce! This is not funny!” This of course, only caused Lucy’s laughing howls to grow to a deafening volume. She grabbed the pillow and whipped it against Alex’s face in retaliation.

 

When the laughter finally subsided, “Word of advice…” Alex turned to look at Lucy curiously and wide-eyed. “You ought to warn a girl before moving to the ‘sexy pillow fight’ portion of your time together.” Lucy shot a sexy wink Alex’s way and started giggling all over again as Alex crumbled into a blushing, bumbling mess yet again. _Fuck, I could get used to this,_ Lucy thought to herself. _Just one taste of this side of Alex Danvers definitely won’t do it for me._

 

“Alright, Lane, I think it’s safe to say that you’ve overstayed your welcome!” Alex snapped at Lucy with a playful tone as she reached to pinch her side and push her off the bed. Lucy yelped in response and tried to crawl out of Alex’s reach. They became an entangled mess once again as they wrestled and somehow Alex ended up sitting on Lucy’s hips, pinning her wriggling arms down with one hand as she tickled her sides. Lucy and Alex were both breathless and giggling as Lucy thrashed beneath her, rocking her hips into Alex’s weight as she tried to shake her off. The sudden realization of their position hit Alex like a ton of bricks as she felt heat shoot through her body and a dopey look graced her face. _What the- oh! Oh my god._ Lucy noticed Alex’s lack of movement and looked her attacker up and down and it dawned on her as well, while her face and neck flushed red. _Ale- Alex Danvers is on top of me. She’s straddling you, you idiot. She doesn’t realize what she’s doing, don’t do anything stupid._ Lucy smirked and decided to ignore the pestering voices in her own head.

 

Lucy decided to utilize her friend’s embarrassed stupor as an opportunity, and flipped the pair over in a swift move that left her sitting atop Alex, their faces close, breaths mingling, and her dark hair tickling Alex’s heaving neck and chest. _Luce, what are you doing? Quit making a move on her, she’s not yours to have as long as she’s hung up on that detective. This is Alex Danvers. Not just some one night stand._ Lucy took a deep breath, contemplating her next move as her eyes met Alex’s. They held each other’s gaze, both seemed to be searching for something within the other that they couldn’t name. _This is Alex, your Alex, well not yours- that’s the problem. Don’t throw yourself back into this. Don-_ But Lucy’s thoughts were interrupted by a firm hand on the back of her neck which slowly pulled her head down, until they were mere millimeters apart. Both Lucy and Alex seemed to understand their shared hesitations and they nodded near imperceptibly. At that minute signal, Lucy felt the hand at the back of her head tangle itself in her dark waves and pull her down until her warm lips met Alex’s and their bodies were flush together.

Alex’s mind was racing. She felt good. It wasn’t the same explosion she felt with Maggie, but it was _good_ . The kiss was chaste and gentle at first but it took mere seconds before it deepened. She couldn’t tell which one of them deepened it but she didn’t care. _Shit, Lucy! Whoah._ Alex couldn’t believe how good Lucy’s lips felt against her own. She tasted like vanilla and there was still a small hint of whiskey. Alex thought it was delicious. Her hand tightened its grip on Lucy’s hair earning her a soft groan and roll of Lucy’s hips. Alex ran her tongue gently across Lucy’s lower lip and nipped at it. When she broke away for air, Alex let her kisses trail down Lucy’s neck causing a few whimpers, much to her enjoyment. _Shit, Alex is so good at that._

“Al, that feels so good.” Alex gasped in response and looked at Lucy with lust-filled eyes. She’s never felt this hungry for anyone before. She liked it. Alex parted her lips and the kiss grew hotter, and Lucy also decided to take her time exploring Alex’s body. She began to kiss and suck at various points on Alex’s long, beautiful neck and savored the sounds it caused Alex to produce.  Alex felt one of Lucy’s hands start to tentatively trace along her side and along the swell of her chest. Alex felt like she was overheating, she could barely stifle a moan as she encouraged Lucy to continue. “Shit, Lu-”  Two sharp alarms interrupted the heated make out session.

Cursing resounded throughout the apartment from both women as they paused their kissing to get ready to head to out for a new case. Getting ready was stalled several times as each woman succumbed to their need to reestablish contact with the other. When Alex exited the bathroom, Lucy shot her a knowing look and stripped herself of the Stanford tee she had been wearing. Alex’s eyes widened and darkened at the sight of Lucy in a deep maroon bralette, her abs defined by a thin layer of glistening sweat. _I am so gay. I am so gay, wow, how did I not know I was gay._

 

“Turn around, Alexandra. Didn’t you learn it was rude to stare?” Lucy said cheekily and shot her a wink. She laughed at the blushing agent. She pulled on her jeans from last night and a dark grey shirt she found in one of Alex’s drawers. “Hope you don’t mind?”

 

“Not as long as I can take it off of you later.” Alex smirked at Lucy when she heard her breath hitch. She pulled on her leather jacket and grabbed her keys as she started out the door. “Hurry your ass up, Lane. Hop on the back of my bike in five, or you’re getting left behind.”

 

_Shit, Alex Danvers is going to be the death of me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm seriously appreciating all the comments and feedback from you guys! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! I've always seen Lucy as a really snarky, flirty character and I hope it came through in this chapter. I definitely see more to her than that though, and I'm going to explore more of the characters in depth in further chapters!
> 
> Please let me know what you guys are thinking!


	4. The Crime Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie gets to meet Alex's mystery woman and Jealous!Maggie makes an appearance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys so these four chapters are all I have fully typed out but I just started working on chapter outlines for the story. I have no idea how long the fic will be, but I have some really clear visions of scenes I want but linking them together is where the trouble lies. So please bear with me! 
> 
> Tags will definitely change as the story progresses, I'm just going wherever the keyboard leads me. Also the more I plan this story out the more it breaks my heart to think about hurting Lucy or Maggie (they both must be protected at all costs), but I'm taking all of your comments into consideration…we're just going to have to wait and see!
> 
> This one was a lot of fun to write…I love jealous Maggie and wish we could see her in the show, but hey that's why we have fanfic right? Anyways, I hope you all enjoy!

Lucy had been gripping Alex tightly the whole ride, and for a few brief moments she let her hands wander lower to her hips and thighs. Alex was still revved up from the morning’s events and she was trying to grapple with it all when she felt Lucy’s teasing hands. _Jesus Christ, she’s trying to kill us. I’m going to crash this bike if she keeps touching me th-._ Alex was relieved when her thoughts paused as she realized that had reached their location, a wide alleyway where people were bagging evidence and photographing the crime scene. She dismounted her bike, gave Lucy sharp smack to the chest, and took her helmet off, shaking her hair out. She was grateful it was still pretty straight from the night before with a few loose waves at the ends. Lucy took notice and appreciated Alex’s appearance. _Her hair makes her look so hot right now. She knows it too. Is she smirking at me right now? She’s totally smirking at me. Jeez, this girl. How are we going to play this off?_

 

“Hey, Al, we should probably talk about this morning?” Alex gave her a somewhat panicked look so she reached out to touch her arm to calm her nerves. “Not like right now, but I just want to make sure you are good with everything that went down, I guess?”

 

“Ye-uh, yeah. I’m good.” A moment passed and Lucy saw fear and insecurity flash in her friend’s eyes. “Wa-was it not good for you?” Alex was looking down and wringing her hands at this point, but Lucy tipped her chin so they were looking at each other again. It hurt to see Alex look so vulnerable, she was scared too, _scared shitless of her own feelings, dammit_ , but she needed to be there for Alex.

 

“Al, no-” A furrowed brow and pursed lips appeared on Alex’s face. “That’s not what I meant or was asking at all!” Alex’s features softened and she huffed out a relieved breath. “Al, I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable with where things went! I know it kinda just..like happened and I want to make sure that it was okay? That we’re okay? Believe me when I say that it was good, shit, _amazing_ even and especially that one thing you did wit-...nevermind I’m getting off track.” Alex was grinning as Lucy took on the role of the frazzled and nervous one for once. “Luce.”

 

“Sorry, sorry. Okay basically we’re coworkers okay, so I know that maybe this is weird that we made out? I just wanna make sure I didn’t overstep, ‘kay. ‘Cause besides being coworkers we’re friends, best friends even. Separation and distance hasn’t changed that for me, I’m not sure about you?” A particularly strained expression washed over Lucy’s face because she was beginning to unravel a bit and she knew she needed to rein her emotions in before she said anything stupid.

“We are best friends, Luce. All that time away just made me miss you more, don’t worry.” Alex squeezed her bicep and a rush of relief filled Lucy’s system. “And we’re okay, alright? More than okay in my book. I was nervous and not expecting it, b-but I’m good with what happened between us. We’re okay, Luce. We should probably take a look at this crime scene and we can talk more about this later...over drinks maybe?” Lucy’s nerves were calming and she gave Alex a wide grin and nodded. When Alex started to walk towards the crime scene, Lucy grabbed her hand and tugged her into a tight hug, standing on her tippy toes so that she could rest her head in the crook of Alex’s neck. “I missed you, Al, so much.” _You’re an idiot. You’re just friends. You’re just friends. You missed her like a friend. Just a friend._ Alex squeezed her tighter, lifting her a bit off the ground causing her to protest with a slap against the taller woman’s upper arm. Alex put her down, chuckled, and tugged her towards the crime scene.

 

Meanwhile, Maggie was crouching over the body of an alien of unknown origin. She was feeling the effects of a pretty awful hangover since she drank herself into a stupor the night before. Seeing Alex with another woman really threw her for a loop, but if you asked her that’s not why she was drinking. _I had a long day. I have a right to drink. Alex isn’t mine, she wasn’t why I was drinking._ Maggie was doing her best to try and convince herself of that, but the pounding of her head and the dull aching in her heart were telling her otherwise.

She knew the DEO was called for the case and she smiled when she heard the familiar roar of Alex’s Ducati. However, her joy was short-lived and her smile immediately disappeared as she took in the sight before her. Alex with last night’s mystery woman. _What the hell is she doing here? What is Alex doing? Showing her off? Egging me on? No, she wouldn’t do that to you, Sawyer. There has to be a reason. And if she was bringing her to meet you, it’s not to rub in your face. You told her you were just friends, she wouldn’t know any better. Friends introduce friends to their girlfriends. Shit, is she her girlfriend? At a crime scene???_

Maggie’s eyes were darting back and forth as she watched the two women speak and touch arms, and hold hands, and hug.. _hug, that’s a long hug, that’s a tight hug… no way that’s just a friendly hug. Shit. Nice going, Sawyer, chasing away the only woman who really seemed to understand you. Shut up. Shut up._ Maggie tried to shake the thoughts away and steel herself as she saw Alex and the petite brunette approach the crime scene. She scowled when she saw Alex hold up the crime scene tape so the woman can go under it. _She always does that for me, dammit._

 

_Quit it, Sawyer. Be professional. You’re friends._

 

Alex flashed her badge to surrounding officers. “She’s with me.” _Fuck._

 

“Who the hell is she?” Maggie basically growled. _Nice one, Sawyer. Great job being friendly, you piece of shit._ She didn’t fail to notice the smirk on the brunette’s face, but she grimaced with guilt when she saw Alex tilt her head and furrow her brow in confusion before speaking.

 

Alex nodded her way. “Uhh… Maggie, this is Lucy.”

 

“Major Lucy Lane.” Maggie’s pissed off expression was met by an outstretched hand and a wide grin. Maggie shook it firmly and tried her best to seem pleased by the woman’s presence but this just resulted in a tight-lipped smile that both women knew was fake. _She’s even more gorgeous up close. What the- and her hand is so soft._ “Pleasure meeting you, but what does the US military have to do with this crime scene?”

 

“Believe me the pleasure’s all mine. Lucy drawled out and smirked as she let her eyes pan down Alex’s frame slowly. Lucy was getting a kick out of spurring Maggie on. 

 

Maggie was seeing red and Alex was oblivious to the looks and subtle battle waging between both women. Her brow was still furrowed as she questioned Maggie’s tone, “She’s the deputy director of the DEO. She just got back into town.”

 

_Alright, so they work together okay. And she just got back into town so they were catching up last night. Okay. That’s okay. …But uhh why was she riding bitch on Alex’s bike? Maybe she was just giving her a ride? Yeah pff ok. Shut it, Sawyer. Don’t jump to conclusions. You don’t even know if Lucy’s gay. Nah, who are you kidding. She’s definitely into women. You saw the way she looked at you. You sure_ **_as hell_ ** _see the way she’s been eyeing Alex. Plus, you totally saw her nails when you shook hands. Shit._

 

“Wow, impressive! Well isn’t it good of you to slum it with us at a crime scene?” Maggie said almost cheerily but the bite in her words was obvious to all but Alex. _Sawyer, you’re being an asshole. You’re sending mixed signals. Knock it off!_ “She-.” Lucy cut Alex off.

 

Lucy knew jealousy when she saw it and Maggie was a flaming green ball of envy. She couldn’t help but be amused causing her lip to quirk up in a sly smirk. _Can’t blame a girl for being territorial. But...it’s my right as Alex’s...friend, yup, best friend, to teach this Maggie a lesson in messing with my Alex- shit- I meant messing with Alex. Alex, in general. Not mine._ Lucy hid her internal monologue well and a wicked grin was plastered her face. “Anything to spend a little extra time with this one, ya know?” Lucy elbowed Alex’s side playfully and they both blushed.

 

At this point, Maggie’s eyes were fire and she was biting the inside of her cheek so hard she drew blood. She narrowed her eyes and gave Lucy a quick once over and her eyes widened with a realization. _That’s Alex’s shirt. Cool it, Sawyer, it’s a gray shirt. Everyone owns a gray shirt. No, that’s definitely her shirt. Shut it, you’re just freaking yourself out. Why do you care anyway? You told her you were just friends, right? Right. Shit, no that’s her shirt. I’ve seen her wear that shirt. Damn she looked good in that shirt, but fuck Lucy looks good in that shirt, Alex’s shirt… She’s wearing Alex’s shirt…  Meaning she spent the night with Alex. So this Lucy Lane woman had sex with Alex, my Alex. Except she’s not yours remember, you let this happen, Sawyer._ Maggie’s thoughts were a blur, her fists were clenched at her sides, and she felt nauseous, almost dizzy. She was overwhelmed with conflicting emotions that she was doing her best to stave off. _It’s not her shirt. And even if it was, you don’t care._ She let out a heavy sigh and avoided eye contact with either woman for a few moments as she gathered herself.

 

Maggie finally thought the awkwardness of this conversation would be put to rest when Supergirl landed next to Alex. She never thought she would be grateful for the Girl of Steel showing up at her crime scene being all buddy-buddy with Alex, but hey there’s a first for everything. _At least with this one, I kinda know what I’m working with. Even if she’s been looking at me like she’s gonna vaporize me any second._ Maggie huffed.

 

Supergirl looked Alex and Lucy over and muttered softly, “Thanks for scarring me this morning. Glad to see you decided to put on clothes, Luce.”

 

“Shut it, Supergirl.” Alex snapped.

 

Alex was crimson while Lucy’s laugh reverberated throughout the alleyway. Maggie’s eyes widened at Supergirl’s words and her jaw tightened. Visions of Alex with her eyes fluttering and her head tossed back in pleasure, calling out Lucy’s name, _the wrong name dammit_ , filled Maggie’s head. She tasted the blood from her cheek yet again.  Supergirl had spoken softly, but Maggie swore she heard her right, and based off of the pair’s reactions, she did. _FUCK. Why did she have to confir- Did she just say that? Did she rea- My Al- no, Alex and Lucy. Lucy and Alex. ALEX AND LUCY. Sawyer, you idiot._

 

Alex, after recovering from her embarrassment, broke up the awkward little pow-wow and walked toward the body. “Alright, tell me what we’re looking at.” Lucy and Maggie both turned their heads, their eyes darkened and the corners of their lips quirked up as Alex Danvers entered full _agent_ mode. Both of them shared the thought, _Sexy as hell._

 

Maggie pushed aside her inappropriate thoughts and shifted toward a more professional tone, “We don’t know what type of alien he is, but he’s covered in scar tissue and shows signs of multiple trauma. It appears as though his brain was also removed.”

 

“Yea, there’s tons of scarring and a couple stitches on his posterior. These marks are all clean though, like he had undergone multiple surgeries. Probably experimental? Whoever is responsible for the body dump, likely has extensive medical knowledge of alien physiology. From the looks of it, a lobotomy was performed.” Alex pointed out multiple things as she spoke and took her time observing the body from various angles. Her jeans tightening and showing off her assets as she crouched by the body. She was completely oblivious to the wandering eyes appreciating her lithe form. “We’ll take him back to the DEO for a full autopsy, I’ll keep you posted.

 

“I think that’s a Vrang!” Supergirl noted. . “I haven’t seen one in a while, like I didn’t realize there were any on Earth, but I remember learning about them as a kid. Gray, scaly skin. Sorta bat-wing facial features. Definitely a Vrang. They tried invading Krypton once, ya know!”

 

Maggie nodded and said, “Alright. Thanks for the intel, Supergirl. I um- better head back to the precinct to fill out some paperwork.” She was avoiding Alex’s gaze and she noticed.

 

When Maggie finally looked up, there was something in her eyes that Alex couldn’t place. _If I didn’t know any better, she looks like she’s in pain. But why? Did I do something wrong? Does she not even want to be friends anymore? She can’t be jealous can she? No, shut it, Alex, don’t give yourself hope. She doesn’t want you. She said it herself. You are_ **_just_ ** _friends._

 

Maggie did her best to give a genuine smile but it was still tense and her dimples were shallow, Alex noticed. She always noticed.

“See you around, Danvers.”

 

Alex’s shaky smile made Maggie uneasy. “C’mon, Luce. We have some work to do.” Alex reaching out for Lucy’s arm and grabbing her hand was the last thing Maggie saw before she headed toward her Triumph, doing her best to stop the tears welling in her eyes.

  
_You’re an idiot, Sawyer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, subscribing, and commenting! It's great to see the interest in the story! Let me know what you guys think of the chapter! Also it may be more than a week for the next one because school is crazy right now, but I promise I will do my best! Comments and kudos are much appreciated lol it keeps me motivated guys (seriously though writing this is how I procrastinate from my assignments and it's a dangerous game because I'd much rather spend my time on this lol).


	5. A Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is torn up about seeing Maggie and Lucy is there to provide a distraction...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this was really not where the chapter was supposed to go at all. Like it went severely off course but hey I'm cool with it and I feel like you guys will be too. Also very surprised/stressed because I know I said it might be longer than a week for me to post but I have a paper due tomorrow so I decided to pump out about 3k words for you in this to procrastinate. Yikes. Shoutout to @kennedyismyhero for her motivational comment. This chapter is basically your doing for putting my head in the gutter so I hope you appreciate it lol. Enjoy!
> 
> Umm things get a bit raunchy so heads up?

~ Back at the DEO ~

 

Alex was walking a bit stiffly, her face pulled tight into a look of apprehension. She was trying her best to decipher Maggie’s interactions at the crime scene, but her mind kept drawing conclusions that left Alex feeling uneasy. _She was acting jealous. She was. I think? But why? Because of Lucy ?...no, that’s stupid, Alex. You’re her friend and she doesn’t see you like that, she doesn’t want you...like that._ Alex kept raking over the scene in her mind and she felt herself getting drawn further and further into herself. Caught up in her thoughts, Alex failed to notice Lucy’s repeated attempts to gain her attention.

“Alex. Hey! Alex!”

“Al...anybody in there?”

“Agent Danvers!”

“Alexandra!”

The sound of her full name finally snapped Alex out of her daze. “Jeez, Al! I’ve been trying to talk to you for like the past five minutes!” Even when they were riding over to the DEO, Lucy immediately noticed the tension in Alex’s frame. She managed to resist the temptation to tease Alex on the bike again and instead mulled over her introduction to the woman who has her favorite agent’s heart squeezed in a vice grip. _She’s beautiful. Obviously. And damn, those dimples. I can’t blame Al for falling hard for this girl and Maggie obviously feels something too because she was ready to rip my head off._ These thoughts made a pit grow in Lucy’s stomach and she decided to bench them for now.

 

“Where’s your head at, Al?”

 

Alex’s eyebrows pulled together as she frowned and shook her head. She attempted to gather her thoughts as she opened her DEO locker and pulled out her black uniform quarter zip. She took off her leather jacket, leaving her in a tight v-neck.

Even just seeing Maggie briefly had her emotions in overdrive, but she was grateful that Lucy was with her and she had her friend who really understood to confide in. She sat down on a bench and let out a deep, exasperated breath.

 

“Maggie. I- I don’t know, Lucy. She just gets under my skin, ya know? Like I can’t get a good read on her. We agreed to give this whole friendship thing a shot and it kills me. Like I physically feel like someone’s twisting a knife in my gut every time she’s close to me, and I know what it's like to literally be stabbed in the gut so believe me! And I can’t act on my feelings...but, I know this is how it has to go. Because I ca-can’t live without her, Luce. I haven’t even known her that long..but I know that I can’t. So I dunno…”

 

Lucy’s heart ache and her chest tightened at Alex’s words. She felt heavy with the knowledge that Maggie had such a strong hold on Alex. She couldn’t help but feel her own plight reflected in Alex’s confession, but she knew now was not the moment to think about herself. Alex needed her and she needed Alex. She needed her happy, no matter what. So Lucy swallowed the weight in her throat and gave Alex her most heartfelt, genuine look of understanding and a lingering, firm squeeze to her upper arm.

 

“Al...I’m sorry. I wish I could take this pain away from you, believe me I’d do anything to be able to. It hurts right now, I know how much it stings when feelings aren’t mutual, but I can say from experience...it gets easier. And Al, I’m here for you always. I promise.” _Always._ The word burned a little as it left Lucy’s lips because she couldn’t tell if her words and promise of emotional relief were for her own sake or Alex’s, but _again, a thought for another time._

Alex never considered herself a crier, but somehow the mere mention or thought of Maggie quickly forced her to feel vulnerable, soft, and terrified. She felt the all-too-familiar feeling of hot tears begin to well up in her eyes and she didn’t want Lucy to see her eyes in that moment of helplessness, so she stood up and pulled her into a tight hug. She firmly rested her face in the crook of Lucy’s neck.

“Thanks, Luce. I’ll be okay. I-I am okay. I just need to start working in the lab so I can distract myself.”

 

Lucy, knowing it’s what Alex needed, chose to ignore the feeling of warm tears wetting her shoulder. She couldn’t help but draw Alex in closer, squeezing her tighter to her own body. She breathed in deeply, allowing herself to fully appreciate Alex’s faint scent of lavender. It drove her wild. Lucy felt protective of Alex, she wished so hard in that moment that her arms could shield her from all of life’s pain. She wished that she could shoulder her burdens, so that the only tears that left Alex’s beautiful brown eyes would be ones of happiness. _I would do anything for you, Al._ The admission scared Lucy and she tensed slightly. She was grateful that Alex chose to pull out of the embrace in that moment.

 

Lucy was left frozen a bit, but resumed changing into her own DEO-issued uniform. She was pleasantly surprised to see her locker and things all in the same place even though it's been a while. Lucy was amused when she felt Alex’s gaze on her as she undid her jeans and pulled on her tactical wear. The sight of her tanned, toned legs left Alex with a warmth filling her body. _Lucy’s legs. Shit. Are legs supposed to be that sexy? And her ass…_ Lucy also couldn’t resist the temptation to peek at Alex and their eyes met as Alex pulled her shirt off with a shy smile, leaving her in a strappy black sports bra. The sight of the expanse of Alex’s pale, lightly freckled skin made Lucy’s heart falter. _God, she’s so beautiful and she has no idea._ Alex was fully changed and ready to meet with J’onn to discuss the new case, while Lucy still had to change out of her shirt and pull on her own quarter zip. She gave Alex a warm look. She wasn’t expecting it when she felt Alex shift closer to her. “You’re a good friend, Luce.” She was even more surprised to feel Alex’s hot breath on her skin and it made her shudder. Lucy saw Alex hesitating as she drew in closer to leave a soft kiss on her cheek, and Lucy made a rash decision in a quick second, turning her head, instead catching Alex’s soft lips with her own. It was barely a kiss, feather light, but it set her on fire. _Alex. God, her lips._ Lucy pulled away slightly and looked up into warm eyes. She saw confusion, compassion, and a softness in Alex’s eyes that she knew not many people were allowed to see. But she also saw something else, and Lucy couldn’t help but be filled with pride, she saw _want._

 

“So...Al, what do you think about not waiting to nerd up in your lab and gettin’ a bit of a distraction a little sooner...say, maybe umm now?” Lucy waggled her eyebrows and squinted her eyes slightly, shooting Alex her best smouldering look. _This is a bad decision. I know I should behave so we could just go debrief but…Alex looks. so. good. I forgot how hot she looked in the uniform._  Lucy always enjoyed bending the rules a bit. This was no exception.

 

Alex knew she may be new to this whole lesbian thing, but the heat and tension in those few moments was undeniable. She quickly smirked at Lucy’s suggestive words. She  _smells so good. Ugh and her skin looks so soft, I just wanna touch her. All over._ Alex was surprised at her own desire as she never found herself wanting someone half this much whenever she was with guys. Her previous thoughts of pain and heartache were for now dulled and overwhelmed by the heat she felt coursing through her body. She pursed her lips playfully and tilted her head slightly as though she were considering Lucy’s offer. “Ummm...well, I guess I did make a promise about getting you out of that shirt, huh?”

 

Lucy batted her eyes innocently, “Oh Agent Danvers! What kinda distraction did you think I was proposing?” She teasingly acted scandalized as she leaned in ever closer to Alex’s body, “Maybe something along these lines?” Lucy leaned in for another gentle but hot kiss. Alex nodded her encouragement and hummed in approval. Lucy drawled, “Maybe a bit of this?” She leaned in and kissed Alex’s neck, reveling in the soft whimper it pulls from Alex’s throat. She works at the spot for a few moments until Alex’s hand tangles itself in her dark waves, pulling her back up so that their lips could crash together once more. The kisses were firm and turning desperate as the seconds passed. Lucy moaned softly into the kiss when Alex granted her entrance into her mouth and their tongues teased at each other. _Fuck, Alex’s tongue. Hmm there’s a thought, fucking Alex’s tongue._ Heat was shooting to Lucy’s center but she pulled away sharply, her lips swollen, her eyes darkened, and her hair disheveled. Alex whined at the loss of contact. “Al, are you sure? We could sto-.” Lucy’s question was shut down with a heated kiss as Alex pulled at her almost roughly and began kissing down Lucy’s jaw and her neck. She felt her body heat up when Lucy mewled as she paid special attention to her pulse point, lavishing the soft skin with kisses and nips. “Al, ye- keep doin’ that.” Lucy’s responsiveness made her growl. _Jesus Christ, I’ve never been this turned on before and we’ve only kissed…_

With Alex pausing for a moment,Lucy took the opportunity to take control of the situation."We could stop whenever you want, Al. Don't be afraid to speak up." She felt Alex nod against her skin and she let out a breathy, "Good girl." Alex moaned loudly in response. _Interesting._ Lucy twisted them around, grabbing at Alex’s tight quarter zip and pushing her against the lockers. Being pinned would normally make Alex feel anxious or frustrated but she moaned as she felt Lucy’s body flush against her own. She grabbed at Lucy’s hips pulling her impossibly closer, savoring the heat of Lucy’s weight against her. When Lucy’s lips teased and nipped at her neck, Alex tossed her head back lost in the feeling of her own desire. Lucy began to gently suck at her skin and Alex was distracted as one of her own hands shifted lower to squeeze at Lucy’s ass. She kneaded at the firm flesh causing Lucy to let out a deep growl that made Alex’s legs nearly buckle. Lucy nodded into Alex’s neck encouraging further exploration of her body and she screamed when Alex’s other hand dragged up her side and gently brushed at her left breast. “Fuck, Alex!” Lucy felt a familiar heat building in her abdomen. _Shit, I can’t believe this is happening right now. Alex’s hands are on your ass and your tits and you’re kissing her and- uhhh._ As they kissed, Lucy’s own hands were gripping tightly at Alex’s waist keeping her firmly pinned against the lockers. She wanted to touch her more but she was being mindful that this was all new for Alex and she didn’t want to scare her away. However, Lucy was pleased that Alex, the ever brave and daring soul that she is, seemed to be pushing past any fear of inexperience as she began to tentatively trace her hand under Lucy’s shirt.

Alex’s fingertips gently drew along the lines of Lucy’s flexing abs, “Shit, Luce. You feel so good.” Lucy smiled broadly into their kiss and began shifting her attention lower once more. However, when Alex felt Lucy sucking at her neck she barely manage to rasp out, “Luce, no marks. Un-unprofessional.” Alex felt her nod into skin and trace her way up her jaw until her breath was hot against her ear. “What if people can’t see the marks? Is it okay then?” Alex grunted and rolled her hips, seeking much needed friction at Lucy’s words. She nodded and heard Lucy’s soft laugh against the now clammy skin of her neck and she let her hand complete its journey up to Lucy’s chest. She began gently kneading at Lucy’s left breast and rolling the stiffened bud between her fingers. Even though Lucy’s bra prevented direct contact, Lucy felt her body arching into the touch. Alex’s touch left her whimpering and Alex couldn’t help but grin and feel accomplished, but her moment broke as she felt Lucy tug at the zipper of her pullover. With the zipper pulled all the way down, Lucy shifted some of the fabric away so she could suck at Alex’s creamy skin closer to her breasts and it was Alex’s turn to become a whimpering mess. Her hand at Lucy’s ass was now squeezing at her almost painfully, but it only spurred Lucy on more.

Alex’s hips rolled once more into Lucy who was savoring this heated closeness. When Alex’s strong thigh slipped between her own, her body pulsed as she let her weight grind down on it. _Shit, she feels so hot against my thigh. Jeez Luce._ Her motion created a delicious pressure against Alex that made her hips cant forward. _Alex fucking Danvers pliant and writhing against me. God, I’m never going to get sick of this feeling._ The truth is that she was elated when Alex granted her permission to kiss her and suck at her skin with abandon as long as it wasn’t visible. Part of Lucy wanted to mark Alex. She wanted the world to see her as _hers_ . But Lucy felt guilty at this admission because she didn’t want to objectify Alex or anything but _God, this woman. She has me. I’m hers and ugh...If only she were mine._ Lucy found her desire to mark Alex’s beautiful creamy skin especially high after meeting Maggie and feeling a bit territorial. _She isn’t mine...her heart isn’t mine, but right now...she’s here with me, she’s touching me. Me._ When Lucy feels her pulse beneath her lips, her scent filling her lungs, Alex’s breath hot against her skin, and her hands kneading desperately at her flesh she knows she needs more of Alex. She sucked at one spot a bit harshly and pulled away knowing that the skin would surely be a deep pink or purple in the coming days.  _Mine, mine, mine._ One _taste of her. It’s enough to get me addicted._ Part of Lucy knows that she was hooked even before she felt Alex’s soft lips touch her own for the first time, but right now she could ignore that and tell herself that this was purely physical.

The breathing of both women had grown shallower as their makeout grew in its intensity. Pleasure was rushing through Lucy’s body as the friction was growing too much. “Al-Alex. Fuck.” Alex’s hands had moved to Lucy’s ass as she used a bit of force to drag Lucy’s weight against her leg repeatedly, increasing the pressure on both of them as their kisses had grown sloppy. Alex had never felt a heat like this pulsing through her body and the sight of Lucy Lane, head tossed back in pleasure rutting against her thigh was making her mind cloudy. A near primal urge to see Lucy come undone seemed to flood her system and she  bit down on Lucy’s neck. Hard. “Alex, God!” Lucy was screaming and moaning rather loudly at Alex’s roughness and Alex tried to stifle her sounds with her lips. “Al-ah! Just like tha-!”

 

“Guys, what the-! Seriously! Didn’t you guys just do this like an hour ago!! RAO!” Kara’s shouting caused Alex to basically chuck Lucy off of her as she flushed red with embarrassment. “Kara! What the fuck! Wha-”

 

“Gross! No! Shut up, Alex! You don’t get to be asking me questions when you’re the one who can’t keep it in her pants! Jeez! I’ve been waiting for you for like half an hour to get this debrief over with!”

 

Alex was trying to object, stuttering and growing more flustered as she and Kara bickered. Lucy was red and sweating lightly and trying to ignore the heat still pooling at her center. She was smirking at the ground at the Danvers Sisters’ antics. Kara looked Lucy up and down with a look that was a cross between disgust, amusement, and disbelief.

 

“Alright guys, seriously though, I need you both to keep your hands to yourselves. Let’s go debrief.” Kara let out in an exasperated huff.

 

Alex and Lucy did what they could to look presentable, fixing their clothing, their mussed hair, and wiping the sweat off their brows. Lucy shot Alex an apologetic grimace that was still somehow laced with a heady look of hunger and it caused Alex to pinch at her side. Lucy yelped in protest.

 

“Are you guys coming!?”

 

“I was about to when you busted in here…” Lucy muttered softly. Alex let out a breathy laugh and shook her head, filling with pride.

 

“EWWW! LUCY! I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS! RAO!” Kara supersped away from the giggling doofuses.

 

Alex and Lucy composed themselves as best as they could as they walked up the platform in the command center to talk to J’onn. His face was strained and he looked the pair up and down and muttered something in a foreign tongue softly to himself. Shaking his head he commanded, “Pam from HR. Both of you. Now.”

 

“Wha-Why?”

 

“I don’t want to hear it, Agent Danvers. Now. And for all that is good and holy on this earth, Director Lane, please stop. Your thoughts are screaming things I could not possibly ignore. Things a father should never have to see.”

 

Lucy turned cherry red when she realized J’onn must have saw her filthy thoughts of pinning Alex against those lockers and taking her desperately, hard, until their legs gave out. As he shook his head in frustration, Lucy fled quickly, tugging Alex’s arm as they headed to Pam’s office.

  
Once again, Lucy thought, _Alex Danvers is gonna be the death of me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhh guys okay so what did ya think? I've never written any situations like that before so please let me know what you think! Yay? Nay? Keep me posted. Thanks again for all the kudos, comments, and subscriptions! Feed the beast and keep em com in! 
> 
> Scream at me on tumblr at misguidedghost800 if you feel the need/wanna talk about the fic.


	6. In My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex, Lucy, and Maggie all do their own separate soul-searching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, first off, I'm so sorry that I've left you guys hanging for a bit. School has been way too hectic and it was a bit rough getting this chapter out. I'm not entirely happy with what I wrote, but I wanted to get something out for you guys. This one's definitely longer (nearly 4000 words, so hopefully it will tide you over),
> 
> Secondly, 400+ Kudos!!!!! Guys, I seriously cannot thank you all enough. For everyone who has been tuning in, reading, commenting, and leaving kudos, thank you so much! It means the world to me and keeps me going. The next two weeks of school are also going to be really rough and I won't make any promises, but I will try my best to not wait another 2 weeks to post. (This was also a rush so sorry for poor grammar/mistakes. This is unbeta'd so it's all me)
> 
> Ok, also note the changing tags. Sanvers endgame tag is now followed by question marks because ???? This isn't me making promises! Don't hold me to anything! Just the more I write the more I think about the different directions this could head in, I'm really trying to take your comments into consideration for what you guys wanna see, so keep commenting!! The more I write this story, the more it physically pains me to hurt any of these characters but uhhhh we'll see where the keyboard takes me. Sanvers is my pride and joy but damn Alex and Lucy was such a missed opportunity. I don't know where I'm at guys.
> 
> The story so far has only spanned like two days so it will pick up time-wise in a bit. This one's really more about character study so you can familiarize yourself with where their heads are at, not really plot-heavy. I'm trying to lay out some groundwork and I have outlines for several more chapters. It will definitely be around 12 or more, but who knows. Thanks for staying tuned.
> 
> Anyways…Enjoy!

“Agent Danvers, who have you threatened this time?” Pam spoke sternly but there was a hint of amusement in her voice. Lucy laughed loudly. “I see you didn’t take my advice to keep yourself out of trouble, Al. I’m not even surprised.” Lucy had a playful glint in her eye as Alex’s face reddened. She knew that sputtering Alex would soon make an appearance and she was not the least bit ashamed that she was looking forward to her arrival. _So adorable._

 

“Umm..uh nobody Pam. I don’t even know why J’onn even sent us down here. I swear I haven’t threatened anyone with my index finger lately and even if I did I’m sure they would’ve deserved it and these forms you have me fill out are stupid anyway...I’m just keeping people in line so what gives…” _Index finger threats? Interesting...wouldn’t mind being on the receiving end of one of those,_ Lucy thought to herself, smirking at her ability to twist Alex’s surely innocent words. _She’s so cute when she rambles._

 

Pam, in her all-knowing ability to see through even the best-spun stories and lies of the top DEO agents, was also amused by Agent Danver’s lengthy, rambled response. A huge part of her job relied on her ability to read and interact with people, so it took her little time to pick on the subtle cues of the situation, which included but were not limited to: the thin sheen of sweat still glazing the skin of Major Lane’s and Agent Danver’s skin, the slight flush in both their cheeks, the excess of stray hairs that topped their head, and most importantly the softly reddening splotches adorning the necks of both DEO operatives.

“Here. Cut the shit and fill these out.” Pam smirks and hands the women forms regarding workplace relationships. Alex’s repeated jaw drops and head shakes of confusion only spurred on Pam’s enjoyment of seeing the normally steely agent become a sputtering mess. “I don’t want to hear it, Agent Danvers. I might not be a mind reader, but I’m pretty sure that in a few hours anyone would be able to see the hickies on both your necks from space!” Pam’s throaty laugh filled her office as both women gave each other questioning, borderline frantic looks. They grabbed the forms and attached clipboards and stepped out of the room to fill the paperwork out in the adjoined seating area.

Alex was shooting daggers at Lucy with her eyes, but her method of intimidation only made her friend laugh and feign sympathy.

“Shut it, Al. Don’t act like you had no part in us being in this situation.” Lucy laughed and said smugly.

“Bite me, Luce.” Alex deadpanned.

Lucy leaned in. “I mean if you want...But then we’ll just have to be filling these forms out for a second time!” Lucy couldn’t contain her grin and her shoulders shook as she tried to contain her giggling.

As Alex got up from her seat to return the form, she swung her arm sharply resulting in a loud smack against Lucy’s arm causing her to grunt on impact, her giggling increasing. “Ouch! C’mon Alex...it’s not a big deal!”

Alex was shaking her head in frustration at Lucy’s joke as she handed her forms into Pam. She narrowed her eyes in confusion when she was handed another form. “Wh-What?” She held Pam in a cold staredown until Pam bit her lip as she attempted to maintain a neutral composure. “Fill these out for hitting Major Lane. Don’t think I didn’t see that, Agent Danvers.”

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me, Pam. That was barely even a tap!” Pam just tapped her pen down twice on the new forms as if to emphasize her words, “No. Excuses.” With her muscles tensed and fists clenched tightly, Alex let out a furious huff and stalked out of the room again with the form and clipboard pressed under her arm. She even managed to avoid eye contact with Lucy who she knew was giggling once more at her misfortune.

 

After the forms were all filled out, _Fucking finally_ , Alex thought to herself, the pair split up as to complete their DEO duties. They had brushed past each other somewhat awkwardly as they were both going in opposite ways. Since the highs of their earlier makeout session had faded away, a feeling of uncertainty and doubt clouded over Alex and Lucy. “Umm...so...uh- I gotta go meet J’onn...t-talk later?” Alex responded with a stiff nod before heading in the direction of her lab.

 

\--------------------------

 

Neck craned over her work bench, Alex, donning her white lab coat, worked on analyzing some evidence samples gathered at the crime scene. She was observing some curious organic compounds under a microscope as her mind wandered to the events of the past two days. Between Lucy’s surprising return, coming out to each other, their heated makeouts, and Maggie’s borderline hostility at the crime scene, she had a lot to mull over.

Alex thought back to that desert mountaintop where Kara was first challenged by Red Tornado, she remembers being caught off guard and angry at the presumptuous nature of General Lane’s demands. When Lucy strutted over and introduced herself as his legal attache, Alex recalled giving her a onceover. She took in her uniform and the weight of her words while she stared her down. She noted her curt tone and authoritative nature, Alex remembered being irked by her entirely. As Lucy strode over towards her with documentation of the President’s executive order, Alex knows she scowled at the woman in annoyance. At that time, Lucy did not let Alex’s glare go unreciprocated. They held each other’s gaze for a while.

In retrospect, Alex knows now that her initial sweep over Lucy’s frame had an entirely different context that she could only acknowledge now. While she looked at Lucy in her military uniform that first time, she saw the way the crisp material clung to her well. She appreciated the way her dark hair was pulled tightly into an updo that accentuated her cheekbones. Alex even noted the modest but well-done makeup. These little details must have been repressed as they did not help Alex’s previous cause of denying her attraction to women. Most of all, she remembered that when she looked into Lucy’s light green eyes for several moments, she saw defiance and overconfidence. In that moment it pissed Alex off, but now she can see herself admiring Lucy because she knows her now. After getting to know the younger Lane on a more courteous and friendly level, she saw a strong woman who faced down the hounds of Washington for a majority of her lifetime. She grew up in an environment surrounded by old, white men who thought little of her words or presence so she learned that she had to work three times as hard for them to even glance at her, and that’s what she did. Alex knows now that the look of defiance and overconfidence in Lucy’s eyes was rooted in her knowledge that she must project the power and strength needed for her to be seen in the male-dominated sphere she typically revolved in, especially around her father. Lucy Lane had a presence, one that commanded Alex’s attention from the start.

Alex learned that Lucy believed in justice and had a strong sense of morality. Although she was manipulated by her father, Alex saw Lucy’s openmindedness firsthand when she joined forces with Kara to save J’onn and herself from the clutches of Colonel Harper and Project CADMUS. Lucy was willing to risk her world and turn her back on a system and set of beliefs she was raised in, because ultimately she knew what was right. Alex remembers looking into Lucy’s eyes once more after she was freed, a heavy look of regret, remorse, and a hint of relief sat in those green eyes. She saw the sincerity etched in her face and decided that she couldn’t hold Lucy’s actions against her, after all, she pulled through when it had counted most. Thinking these memories all over, a small smile graced Alex’s lips. _We have a lot of history, Lucy and I._ She took a few minutes to set up some samples to be placed in the centrifuge.

The whirring of the machine sent her back to her reflective state. Shooting forward a couple months, Alex’s mind combed through memories of numerous missions where Lucy and her butted heads and fought over appropriate strategies. They tested each other and pushed each other to be better and reevaluate things. As her mind took a trip down memory lane, _Oh man, solid pun,_ with the knowledge that she’s gay, Alex definitely pinpointed moments of sexual tension and heat between the two. Moments where she would have kissed Lucy senseless after an op or after a heart to heart. Times where lingering touches and glances take on a whole new meaning to her now. _I was so blind. For someone with so many degrees, I’m such an idiot._

_What does this all mean now though? Lucy said she had a crush on me back then, but how does she feel now? Shit, this is the first time in the past two days you ever really took a second to think about Lucy’s feelings._

The last realization struck a chord and Alex stiffened, her body tense with regret at her insensitivity. Alex thought back to the wild nights of college, the ones that she was sober enough to remember at least. She was perpetually in a state of numbness, chasing a feeling of something real and authentic that she never could pinpoint. She searched for it in bottles, shot glasses, and sometimes even in pill bottles that didn’t belong to her. Alex remembers feeling desperate and hazy as she did all she could to run away from her rampant emotions, and thoughts, and the voice of her mother in her head telling her she wasn’t enough, that she _never_ would be enough. She sought comfort in the touches and affections of men who saw her as nothing but an object, a conquest. She yearned for their validation, _any validation,_ that she was worth something. _I just needed something, something to make it stop. Something to fill the fucking emptiness._ These thoughts whirred through her mind every moment of her college years. She craved touches if only to feel something, anything, it never helped, but Alex kept trying because she wasn’t a quitter. She let men touch her, grope at her, wolf whistle at her, and take her, because _at least someone wants me, right?_ Now she knows deep down she was not only running from dealing with her father’s death, Eliza’s disapproval, and her own insecurities, but also with her repressed feelings for women. Alex hit a low during this point of her life, but with the help of J’onn and the discipline that came from DEO training, she managed to turn her life around and for that she’s eternally grateful. But, now looking back she can’t help but see her pattern of repression and distraction when it comes to strong feelings. A wave of guilt hits Alex. _You’ve just been using Lucy. You’ve been a horrible friend. You’ve used her like some sort of bandage to deal with your pain and feelings over Maggie. You’ve been unfair. You messed up. You failed Lucy. You failed. Again._

Alex knew she had to talk to Lucy and apologize as soon as she could. _Lucy doesn’t deserve the shitty treatment you’ve been giving her, she’s been nothing but good to you. Nothing but supportive. You can’t mess that up. You’re gonna talk to her tonight and make things right._ Alex took her phone out and texted her before swiveling in her chair, doing her best to give the samples her undivided attention until she could clock out.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

Lucy had been going over new protocols and updates in the base with J’onn since she left Alex’s side. Her interactions with him had been a bit awkward and stiff after the mind-reading incident earlier, but they eventually got back into a comfortable dynamic. J’onn was just finishing his debrief with her when Lucy felt her phone buzz. She pulled it out after J’onn turned away to discuss security updates with Winn.

 

 **Alexandra: [15:38 pm]** Drinks tonight?

 

 **Alexandra: [15:39 pm]** We should talk.

 

Lucy couldn’t help the nervous pit developing in her stomach as she read the last text.

 

 **Alexandra: [15:39 pm]** Nothing bad, I promise. Just meet me at the alien bar around 9?

 

 _Jeez, Alex, who the hell texts “we need to talk” when it’s nothing bad. Sometimes she’s such a dolt._ Lucy shook her head to herself and typed out her response.

 

 **Luce: [15:41 pm]** Way to scare a girl, Al. I’ll see you at 9 ;)

 

 _Why did you add a winking emoji, God, Lucy are you in high school. You’re a major in the US army, not some lovesick puppy._ However, as Lucy spoke to herself she knew that the last part of her statement was a total lie. Alex Danvers had a hold on her like no other and as she thinks back, that connection seems apparent from the start.

 

Lucy thought back to meeting Alex Danvers for the first time. Her dark hair framed her face and accentuated her cheekbones, tints of red could be seen as the sun gleamed against her hair. She appreciated her toned arms in her dark polo and the way the curves of her body were still left unmasked by her tactical gear. Her hand-on-the-hips pose, pursed lips,and slightly furrowed brow emanated power, she recognized an intimidation method when she saw one, but Lucy’s feathers remained unruffled. After all, she made efforts to project her own presence and authority, especially when in the presence of her father, the colonel. This time was no different and as she addressed the DEO agents and presented them with the documents signed by the President, she could not deny that she threw an extra sway in her hips because she had the smallest hope that this intriguing, beautiful woman was watching her just as closely as she was being watched. Alex was definitely bristled by her actions and she acted as such, but Lucy was not disappointed when they held each other’s gaze for what felt like ages. Her own light green eyes studied the hazel eyes in front of her, and even in that moment Lucy could honestly say that she wanted to see more of this woman. She remembers licking her lips when Alex turned away from her. Yes, she was in an “on-again” portion of her on-again-off-again relationship with James at the time, but she was just looking, appreciating beauty when she saw it.  
Although they didn’t know each other that long, Alex and Lucy had been through alot together. What started off as intimidation tactics and a contest of wills quickly bloomed into one of the most important relationships in Lucy’s life. Lucy appreciated the way Alex challenged her and kept her on her toes. Their conversations and shared experiences bonded them in a way that they both cherished but Lucy always felt the imbalance that is once again rearing it’s ugly head.

_I think I always wanted more. Even when I couldn’t have it. I wanted more from Alex. Not just friendship, but love, a deeper love than what we share. But I thought she was straight and sure, I was flirty but I respected her boundaries...but God, I always hoped...and now...things are different...we’re different...I’ve never stopped hoping._

Lucy’s heart ached as she thought back on her unreciprocated passes at her friend, the longing looks and lingering touches that were sometimes returned but never with the same intention. The truth is, Lucy knew she fell hard and fast for Alex Danvers and she was scared to admit she was still falling. Lucy recalled their kisses and hot touches and sultry purrs from their recent encounters and her heart clenched. It was a mere shadow of everything she had longed for with Alex for months, but she reveled in its sweetness and the way the mere thought of Alex’s breath on her skin once more quickened her heart’s pace.

 _She has no idea where my head’s at right now. To be honest, I kinda have no idea where she’s at right now. Fuck. This morning was_ **_phenomenal_ ** _, but it shouldn’t have happened. She was hurting and I shouldn’t have come onto her like that. What the fuck, Lucy. You’re just gonna end up hurting yourself if you keep this up. You need to figure out where you guys stand. And Alex is fucking sexy, and smart, and perfect,_ **_God, she’s so fucking perfect_ ** _, but she needs time. She needs space. She needs a friend. Just a friend. You will be her friend. You’re going to talk to her tonight and clear the air._

Lucy became anxious for their talk later that night, because she knew what she had to do. She needed to take a step back and pull herself out of the situation, she wanted to protect Alex and herself and the boundaries and guidelines for doing so have been blurring ever since she stepped back into National City.

Once again, for like the hundredth time in the past two days, Lucy Lane thought,  _Alex Danvers is gonna be the death of me._

She let out a deep exhale as she tried to clear her mind before returning to J’onn in the command center.

\-----------------------------

Meanwhile back at the station, Maggie was in a fiery mood. She had hardened herself, allowing her sadness to morph into a rage that, much to the dismay of her colleagues, they were on the receiving end of. The usual jokes and teasing from her fellow officers that she could easily ignore were acting as needles pricking her already sensitive skin. She had snapped at them several times when she was interrupted from filing her reports for the Vrang crime scene and she clocked out in an even fouler mood. Maggie had spent the whole day conversing with herself, arguing with herself in her head, battling the emotions paining her chest, and attempting to ignore the anxious twisting of her stomach.

A wash of uneasiness lingered in Maggie’s system and not even a long ride on her Triumph managed to placate her mind.

_Alex is your friend. She wanted more and you told her no...like an idiot...No, shut up. You were doing her a favor. Alex deserves everything. She doesn’t need a screw up like you as a girlfriend. Think about it, Sawyer, you break everything you touch. Why do you think you’re so alone all the time. You hurt whoever you let get close enough. Everyone leaves. You aren’t worth sticking around for._

Maggie had driven outside the city to a hidden outlook point she always found herself at when she needed to clear her mind. Soaking in the city lights from afar usually managed to calm her, but tonight she was still reeling. Images of Alex and Lucy together at the bar, at the crime scene,..at Alex’s place… filled her mind and she felt tears sting at her eyes. With nobody around to judge her, Maggie gave herself this rare moment of vulnerability and allowed the tears to fall. Wetness streamed down her face for what felt like the better part of an hour. She cried for her conflicted feelings over Alex, she cried for the loneliness she felt in her heart, she cried over the cruel slurs of close-minded people from her small Midwestern town, and finally, Maggie wept because she had to. The coiling in her chest had been building as she always pushed to repress her emotions to put off this confident front, but she alone knew how much was stirring below the surface. She granted herself this moment of reprieve, knowing that when she headed back to the city she could no longer be Maggie Sawyer, the helpless fourteen year old girl who was tossed out on the streets by her parents, she would be Detective Maggie Sawyer, badass cop, leading force of the NCPD Science Division, an out and proud lesbian, and, if still permitted, a best friend to Alex Danvers. _That’s it, Sawyer, that’s all you are. That’s all you can be._ She headed back to the lights of the city and let herself get caught up in the purr of the engine until she pulled up and stopped at her typical stomping grounds, the alien bar.

Maggie knocked on the door and softly huffed out the password, she was still feeling the tightness in her lungs that often followed one of her cathartic drives out to the outlook point. Looking around, Maggie was pleased to just see a few a familiar faces, she gave a few nods before she slumped herself down onto a bar stool. Her elbows were up on the worn wood and she bent her head down, allowing her hands to run through her dark waves as she let out a deep sigh. A familiar musical voice reached her ears. “How’s it going, Maggie?” A glass of her favorite beer was pushed towards her.

She let out a pained chuckle. “Never been better, M’gann.” She was shot a questioning look and responded with a slow shake of her head. “Seriously, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. How bout ya worry about that guy over there who’s just lookin’ for a fight?” Maggie points to the opposite end of the bar and she’s grateful that M’gann only shot her one more concerned look before heading toward the sight of the impending bar fight. Maggie breathes out a deep breath. M’gann knows she’s lying, but she’s saying that she’s fine more for her own sake than anything. Maggie bitterly hopes that if she keeps saying it that her heart will start to feel okay. But she’s been hoping for her heartache’s dissipation since she was fourteen years old and it still hadn’t worked…

Maggie was just starting to sip at her beer before it warmed when her head whipped around at the sound of a familiar voice...well much to her chagrin, the sounds of now _two recognizable voices._

Alex had just strolled into the bar with Lucy. _Shit, why does she always look so good. Those goddamn jeans that are basically painted on to her legs._ Maggie took in the vision of Alex’s hair looking extra tousled after what she assumed was another grueling day of work. _Normally, we’d be the ones drinking here together after work...but now there’s Lucy._ Even when Maggie spoke the name in her mind, she tasted bile in the back of her throat. The now seemingly ever-present feeling of nausea had returned to Maggie’s system. Alex was wearing her standard black leather jacket and a maroon V-neck that plunged down just enough and the red tone brought out the reddish highlights in her hair. Maggie wished she could run her hands through it. Maggie’s gaze, much to her distaste, shifted to Lucy. She was wearing leggings and heeled boots with a flowy sweater that seemed soft to the touch. Maggie scowled to herself because _Fuck, she looks good too. She looks cute and casual and comfortable...comfortable with Alex. Too comfortable with Alex._

Maggie was thankful that she had thus far gone unseen as she was seated on the other end of the bar, slightly hidden beside some alien patrons. She grimaced and downed a shot that was placed in front of a familiar alien seated next to her. “Sorry, Brian. I needed that. Tell M’gann to put it on my tab.” She roughly patted at his back, downed his last remaining shot and ran the hell out of the bar so she could hail a cab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think about this chapter please! Comments help give me some sense of direction and I really appreciate every single one! Let me know if you like where I'm taking this/ if there is anything you really want to see drop a prompt in the comments section or talk to me on Tumblr (same username)! 
> 
> This chapter ends off with a transition meant for the next chapter which will be Alex and Lucy centric focused on sharing their feelings and clearing the air while at the bar.


	7. A Lot On My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Lucy have some meaningful conversations. Will everyone be honest?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, I am so sorry that this hasn't been updated in a while. Life just got crazy ya know? Between school ending, last minute assignments, and finals week, I've been at my wit's end. Plus this week I've been in the process of moving and starting a new job so I'm sorry stuff has been hectic. 
> 
> No Maggie in this one it's Alex/Lucy centric but Maggie will make a delightful return with some Sanvers moments in the next chapter!
> 
> This chapter isn't exactly how I pictured it but writer's block and stress have taken their toll and well I hope you guys enjoy anyway!

 

Alex and Lucy filed into the same booth from the other night and were nursing beers. There seemed to be lingering tension in the air as Lucy stared down at her glass and tried to hide her passing glances at Alex. She was told not to worry, but there was still a general sense of dread pervading her system. She knew Alex would talk when she was ready, she always had, but it didn’t stop the seconds from passing painfully slow.

 

Meanwhile, Alex had spent the entire day running over this needed conversation in her head, but now that she was sitting across from Lucy words decided to evade her. She was frustrated with herself and her actions and Alex was nothing if not precise. She wanted to make sure she said what she meant in a way that Lucy would see her sincerity. She just got Lucy back in her life and she didn’t want to lose her over some imprecise words, Lucy was too important to her, and Alex shook her head at her thoughts. _Maybe you’re being selfish. No, actually you have been selfish. That’s how we got here in the first place._

 

Alex gulped down the near-full glass of beer in front of her. “Luce, I just need to say I’m sor-!”

 

At the same time, the tension had grown too much for Lucy and she let out in a quick breath. “Al, whatever it is, it’s oka-.” They softly laughed at their awkward mistake, yet another repeat of the other night’s events. Seeing Lucy smile and try to comfort her gave Alex the courage to speak up.

 

“Lucy, I’m sorry. I w-.”

 

“Alexandra, why are you apologizing?”

 

Lucy got shot a quick glare that was also laced with adoration. _She know I hate it when she calls me that. She's the only one besides Mom who could live to see another day after pulling this shit._  

“Wait, Luce, just lemme get this out.” Lucy nodded in understanding, her eyes fixing on Alex’s face and noticing how her features truly soften when she’s not “DEO mode Danvers”. She gives her undivided attention as Alex continues.

 

“I fucked up okay.” Lucy’s brow furrowed as she watched Alex playing with the ends of her sleeves as she went on. “I realized I’ve been selfish and I never stopped to ask how you’ve felt over the past few days and they’ve been eventful...boy have they been eventful, and you’ve been nothing but good to me between being so cool about me coming out and letting me rant about Maggie and you’ve always been nothing but good to me...well besides that one time...but, anyways...not my point, I can’t help but feel guilty...I feel like I used you Luce and I was hurting and I don’t want you to think you were just some warm body for me okay...I just feel shitty, Luce, and I’m sorry you deserve better than that okay and I’m sorry for being a shit friend and I’m sorry for just realizing this and I care so much about you, you know that right? You know that?...I know you know that, but it doesn’t hurt to hear and I don’t say it enough.” The longer Alex spoke, the more emotive her voice become and the wider her arms flailed and somehow she was left winded and staring down at her wringing hands for a few seconds before she even dared to tilt her eyes upward to meet Lucy’s.

 

“Alex.” Lucy is trying to gently gain her attention but Alex’s eyes seem to be firmly planted downwards, avoiding her own. Alex, expecting to be scolded or yelled at, had a look of confusion on her face when she saw Lucy’s nose slightly scrunched and a look of gentle kindness in her eyes. “Alex, look at me okay.” Beautiful brown eyes locked onto Lucy’s green ones.

 

“You don’t need to apologize okay. I get where you’re coming from I do, but not once did I feel like you were letting me down or being a shitty friend.” Alex shook her head slightly in disbelief and frustration because _Yes, I was. Even if she didn’t see it. I let Lucy down. I let everyone down._ “I can see those gears turning in your head, so listen closely to what I say next and take it to heart, okay. You did not fail me, Al.” Alex’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears that she tried to shake away. Without intending to she reached out and tightly grabbed at Lucy’s forearm; the gesture seemingly desperate. Her grip loosened when she felt Lucy’s own hand being placed atop her own in comfort, but her hold remained firm, she needed to feel grounded. “I know the way your mind works and I know that you probably spent this whole day thinking the worst of yourself and you shouldn’t.” _She’s so hard on herself all the time. She finally takes a step and does something for herself and she beats herself up over it. Can’t she tell I wanted it too? I wanted her?_  

 

“Do you remember what I told you at the crime scene? Things have gotten messy and complicated the past few days, but the most important thing is that _we’re best friends_ and I need you remember that I care about you. I need you to know that isn’t going to change because we kissed and...well a bit more. Ok, Al? Trust me when I say this?”

 

Alex gave Lucy a small nod before pulling her in for a tight hug, letting out a deep relieved breath. She tucked her face into Lucy’s neck for a few moments and let a rush of gratitude for Lucy’s friendship and understanding wash over her. “I do trust you, Luce. And we are best friends.” Alex let out a nervous, almost exasperated chuckle. “We’re best friends and I trust you and that means I need to be honest with you.”

 _Honesty_ , the word scared Lucy. Nothing about Alex’s tone would indicate the need for the gripping fear that claimed Lucy’s body, but it froze her all the same. You see, honesty when it came to relationships, love, and intimacy, that’s where Lucy struggled in her past. To her, honesty meant letting down walls and being brave only to make yourself vulnerable. Lucy Lane has faced down bullets and the rattling sounds of automatic weapons fired off in her vicinity, in her direction, and she has come face-to-face with death, but honesty and transparency when it came to her feelings scared her shitless. She put her life on hold to fly across the country to follow James and rekindle their ebbing flame. She thought it was right at the time, her heart was in it, and she thought they were right...but then that ended the way it ended. And no, Lucy holds no ill will against James or Kara, hell she loves them both, but her heart ached and was crushed all the same. Since then, Lucy had built her walls up thicker and she wasn’t expecting another wrecking ball to come into her life to try to pry her chest open once more. She sure as hell didn’t expect it to come in the form of the ever beautiful, intelligent, and clever agent, Alex Danvers. So Lucy let herself befriend Alex, playfully flirt with the agent, as she simultaneously denied herself of seeking more. Even when she desperately wanted that with Alex, even when her mind and heart screamed in unison that Alex was different, and she was worth the risk. She shut down the nagging feelings in her gut until it became too much and she jumped at the opportunity to gain some distance between her and her best friend in the form of a peripatetic DEO op. So yes, Lucy was scared, but Alex was brave, which was proven yet again as she continued.

  


“We’ve talked about it before...the way I was in college with all the drinking and the clubbing and well...the meaningless one night stands that I could hardly remember.” Lucy nods to assure her that she should go on. She gives her a sympathetic look. “When I started to realize I’m a lesbian, things just started clicking...like why I never really felt anything for the guys I was with, even when I tried to make a relationship work it always just left me feeling...empty. I kinda realized that I was just trying to feel something, anything ya know? Anything that could help me stay in my spiral of denial about being gay. So yeah I let these guys fuck me and grope me and I drank and I tried to cope with the fucking pressure and now I see it all for what it is. _Unhealthy_. And I know I made mistakes, but I’m getting to a better place now...and I just couldn’t help but see a pattern. A pattern of me using sex and drinking to deal with stuff and I feel like that’s what I did with you, even if you claim otherwise. But Luce, even if the pattern’s there with you I need you to know that you aren’t just some warm body to me. There are feelings there and I _care_ so much about you and it wasn’t meaningless to me like with the men before. You made me feel something _real_.”

Lucy looked at Alex curiously. She knew she had more to say, but she worked on taking in her words. She knew of Alex’s past based on the bits and pieces she’s shared and the stories Kara has told her. College Alex and present day Alex seem to be on opposite ends of a spectrum. She gets Alex’s struggle to accept herself, _hell, it took me ages to accept that I liked women and men and that it was a valid option, not just me being confused like my dad claimed._ Lucy was caught on Alex’s words, “ _you made me feel something real.”_ Her heart raced at the thought that it wasn’t just a physical connection for Alex, the woman she’s pined and longed for. A warmth seemed to blossom in her chest, a feeling of hope seemed to burn securely within her, but Lucy was trying to be cautious.She was trying to temper it down, still scared and fearful of taking down these walls...because Lucy knew that if anybody could get her to drop all her inhibitions it would be her beautiful best friend. _And that’s fucking terrifying._  Lucy hesitantly outstretched her arm and placed her hand on Alex’s, allowing her thumb to gently brush across her knuckles. It was a gesture of silent encouragement as she did her best to coax more from the agent, while she herself remained fearful, not trusting her voice not to crack while her mind soared and her heart pounded fiercely in her chest.

 

“I can’t lie to you, Luce. I spent a lot of today thinking about all that we’ve been through and even the first time we met and when everything replayed in my head I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t something there. I felt something and I was just an idiot and too oblivious to see my feelings or attraction for you for what they were.I was too deep in Narnia to see...but Luce when we met I thought you were just a pain in the ass, turns out I really enjoyed looking at your ass!” Alex’s cheeks reddened and she let out a choked laugh while Lucy snorted. She playfully slapped Alex’s arm. “You’re a dork, Alexandra.” Her eyes locked into Alex’s for a long moment as she let her friend’s words sink in. _There was something there. I knew it. She sees it now. I’m not an idiot….Maybe...just maybe..._ The hope within Lucy pulsed and grew stronger.She tried to act coy and teasingly towards Alex, hoping that the desperate yearning in her chest, which was threatening to explode and manifest with Lucy straddling her at this booth right now, would go unnoticed.

 

“I just need us to be honest with each other, okay?” Alex receives a strong nod in agreement. “I know that you mentioned you had feelings for me.” _Alex, she’s a blunt asshole. And_ **_had_ ** _. Ever the oblivious one, this doctor doctor agent._ “I’m sorry if my inability to recognizing my feelings for what they were hurt you in any way, Luce. I hope I didn’t lead you on or leave you hanging or hurting, because that’s the last thing I want for you. It’s the last thing you deserve…” Lucy knows Alex’s words are genuine and not some strange attempt to cover her ass. She swallows her pain and shakes her head strongly. “No, Al, don’t worry. Don’t worry about me.”

 

“You know that’s impossible, right? I’m always going to worry about you.”

 

It’s these gentle moments that steal Lucy’s breath away and make her heart thrum so loudly in her chest, that she is perpetually grateful that Alex isn’t the one with superhearing. These are the moments that leave her in awe of the woman in front of her, in awe of the way she makes her blood rush and her heart swoon. She’s in so deep and she knows she needs to pull herself out of the hole she’s digging herself into, but Alex Danvers is captivating and her gentleness and simultaneous strength draws Lucy in like a moth to a flame. She can’t stop her hand from gently brushing away a lock of hair from Alex’s face. Her fingertips gently grazing the soft skin of her cheek. She swears that Alex leaned into her touch even briefly and she revels in the sensation of her soft breath which can be felt against her arm. They hold each other’s gaze for a few several seconds, and their moment is ruined when a loud crash by the bar rips away their attention. They both chuckle at the sight of a grayish alien wearing a suit falling off his stool in a fit of laughter over a joke he shares with a Valeronian. The two women chuckle softly. “That’s Brian. He’s..uh..one of a kind.”

 

Lucy lets her eyes soak in the aura of Alex Danvers while she is distracted and giggling to herself over the fumbling alien across the bar. She wants to brave for Alex. She wants to be able to share her feelings and put her cards on the table because of things like this, things like Alex’s simple laugh which make it hard for Lucy to breathe. She wants everything with Alex, but she’s terrified of losing her, of pushing her too far too fast.

 

“We’re okay, Al. I promise. We can forget this ever happened and go back to how things were. You won’t lose me. You’re too important to me and I wouldn’t just turn my back on you. We’re both consenting adults and if mistakes were made, and I’m not saying they were...it was on both parts. I saw you hurting and I maybe got swept up too..because I hated it. I hated seeing you in pain and struggling with your feelings and I tried to help you in a way that maybe left you more confused. I didn’t mean to do that to you, Al. So don’t blame yourself. We’re friends, we’re adults, I”m glad you told me what’s on your mind.”

_I wish I had the courage to do the same._

"I don't want things to go back to how things used to be, Luce." It was barely above a whisper, but Lucy heard it all the same. The ambiguous statement left her cheeks warm and her stomach flipping. Alex gave Lucy a soft, gentle smile. Lucy was relieved to see that for the first time during the night it had reached her eyes. She felt relieved at the prospect that this venting session was over and her anxieties could quell from their recent flare-ups.

 

“Let’s head back to my place, we have an early day tomorrow and you have a whole season of Frequency to watch with me. I’ve been waiting for you.”

 

Alex got up from the booth and gave Lucy’s shoulder a firm squeeze of comfort. Lucy was doing her best not to dwell on the the way Alex’s last sentence resonated in her soul. _I’ve been waiting for you._ _I’ve been waiting for you, Alex Danvers._ She followed her out and they made their way back to Alex’s place. A silence had fallen between the pair and it wasn’t tense or uncomfortable, simply it was there. After both women had changed into more comfortable attire, Alex queued an episode of Frequency up and splayed a warm blanket over both their legs. As the suspense of the episode continued, and eyelids grew heavy, Alex was idly playing with the hairs on the back of Lucy’s neck. Lucy relished the sensation and did her best to wipe her mind of its stresses and just be present and mindful of the moment, a perfect one in Lucy’s opinion. When Alex felt Lucy’s weight shift into her side, she opened her arms to wrap around her friend. Sensing the embracing warmth, Lucy seemed to snuggle further into her side.

  
Lucy, although slipping in and out of slumber, found her body seeking warmth, seeking comfort, seeking Alex. Lucy’s eyes closed and she savored this feeling of Alex’s warmth cocooning her and this profound feeling of safety she found in the agent’s arms. She fought off sleep for as long as she could, refusing to let this sensation slip through her fingers for as long as possible, but finally sleep took her peacefully and Lucy calmed at the knowledge that things weren’t as she left them. Alex knew herself better now, she was able to recognize a spark between them, and they had a friendship and a bond that, if anything, has only been strengthened by the events and conversations of the past few days. _Alex may not be mine now, her heart may be with Sawyer, but her arms are wrapped around me and maybe that’s enough for now._ So Lucy let herself hope and she could swear she felt a gentle pressure of lips against the crown of her head before she fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh…so yay or nay? What does this all mean for Alex and Lucy?? 
> 
> I hope this chapter was okay. Again, sorry for the delay. I'm doing my best guys, life has just really run me over lately. Also, RIP Frequency (note the quick plug-in). It's a great show that the CW decided to cancel today even though it ended on a huge cliffhanger and I'm in mourning. Check it out on Netflix. 10/10 Would Recommend. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys are thinking! I appreciate all the comments and kudos, it keeps me inspired!


	8. Best Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara has important conversations with Lucy and Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, sorry I know I said this chapter would be Sanvers centric but that's pushed to the next chapter because it would be uncharacteristic af if Kara was not in the loop with everything going on in Alex's head (and we all get enough of uncharacteristic Kara from the show). So in this chapter we have some fluff and some much needed Danvers Sisters love as well as a shovel talk (attempt?). Anyways, hope you all enjoy!

Kara, coated in soot and ash, had just helped evacuate a large high-rise apartment building that was burning on the west end of National City. She was exhausted, hungry, and craving some sister time. Her hair was billowing in the wind as she floated high above the city, taking a quick scan and soaking in the beams of sunlight that were just starting to peek through the clouds. After the rush and urgency of the previous night’s fire, the city was quiet and Kara allowed herself the moment to appreciate the picturesque sunrise that she alone was privy to from her unique vantage point. The intense oranges and yellows which slowly softened into the light and deeper blues of the skies gripped her attention, until her focus was interrupted by a loud grumble from her stomach. Kara knew it was about the time Alex would be waking up to eat and get ready for work, so she decided to fly over to her place.

 

Kara maneuvered herself through her sister’s window with well-practiced ease and was about to call out for Alex when she saw Lucy tucked into Alex’s side on the couch. She lets out a soft “aw” before removing her phone from her boot and snapping a quick photo. She figured it could be good blackmail or teasing material at one point or another. Kara couldn’t suppress her giggle when she saw Lucy, half-asleep, subtly shifting and nuzzling closer into Alex’s side. The superhero’s soft laughter failed to go unheard as Alex’s head turned from side-to-side, her brow crinkled, and she took a few quick sniffs before her eyes suddenly snapped open and her body jerked up abruptly, tossing Lucy off the couch.

 

“Ale-Alex! What the fuck?” Lucy groaned out as she began to rub the sleep from her eyes in irritation.

 

Meanwhile, Alex was still jerkily shifting, disentangling herself from the blanket and looking around with squinted eyes still blurry from sleep. “Fuck...Do you smell something burning?” She received another agitated groan in response and finally saw that she had knocked Lucy off in her surprise. “Shit. Sorry Luce!” Lucy with her mussed up hair was on the ground leaning up on her elbows while one of her tank top straps has fallen off her shoulder. She was shooting Alex a playfully annoyed glare. Alex thought Lucy looked beautiful with the soft morning light highlighting her features and Lucy must have known something was up because she quirked a brow as Alex stared.

 

Kara cleared her throat and got their attention and taking note of the pinkish hue of Alex and Lucy’s cheeks. She seemed to have a knack for walking in on moments between these two, and well she was grateful that both women were decent at least in this scenario.

 

“Hi...sorry the burning smell must be me...there was a huge fire on the corner of 10th. I was hoping you’d be hungry? I could grab the usual at Noonan’s...plus some extra for Lucy of course!” Kara said questioningly with an assuring smile.

 

“Thanks, Kara! I actually have to get going. I have some stuff to follow up with at the DEO and a conference call with Washington. I’ll be back later!” Lucy gave Alex a strong squeeze to her shoulder before starting to putter around the apartment as she got ready. “You guys enjoy your sister time!” Lucy called out before the door closed behind her.

 

As Lucy was getting ready, Kara was looking curiously at Alex, she observed her carefully, seemingly to take in every feature of her familiar presence, noting any incongruities. Alex immediately detected her sister’s probing look and scrunched her brow and narrowed her eyes in response as though to say _what the fuck are you looking at?_ As soon as Lucy was out the door, Kara huffed out, “As soon as I get back with the food, you need to spill.” It wasn’t a question, it was a command and if Alex wasn’t flustered by the demand she would have laughed at her sister’s use of her assertive Supergirl tone that is rarely used on her. Alex gave Kara a shaky smile and a soft nod before the hero flew out in a rush of blue and red.

 

Kara was determined to sus out the details of her sister’s new life developments, but she also was steeled by her goal to insure that Alex was safe at all times, and that included matters of the heart. Kara nearly shattered at the sound of Alex’s voice cracking and the sight of her trembling lip and red-rimmed eyes when she revealed Maggie’s rejection, and so she was certain she would do everything in her power to prevent the incident from repeating herself. Sure, Alex could protect herself in basically every other situation, but her heart, despite the hardened exterior, was always so vulnerable. When Alex loved, she did so fiercely, it was a force to be reckoned with, a force to be admired, but also a force that could disastrously backfire, just as it did with Maggie. Kara, hellbent on guarding her sister’s heart as best as she could, tuned her hearing in for a familiar beat and found herself speed-changing back into her civilian clothes in an alley near Noonan’s. Kara smiled broadly as she strolled over to Lucy as she waited for the barista to call out her name and order.

 

“Lucy! Hey!” Kara exclaimed with her signature megawatt smile. Lucy couldn’t help but return the warm look, as she spoke, “Hey, Kara! I was just grabbing coffee before heading out.”

 

“I was hoping we could talk for a bit while we’re both here? Alex is in the shower so I have a few before I need to bring food over.” Lucy pursed her lips and scrunched her brow as her eyes shifted back and forth between Kara and the door. “Kara, I really ought to get going…” Lucy shot ger a guilty look as she attempted to move past her towards the door. “Lucy, c’mon I haven’t really gotten the chance to speak to you since you got back! I swear I won’t keep you too long!” Kara then utilized arguably her most powerful superpower, her infamous pout. One quick glance at her friend and Lucy knew that she wasn’t going into the DEO until Kara deemed it fit. She muttered a soft “ _Fuck_ ” under her breath as she shook her head and smiled laughed softly to herself, scooting herself into a nearby booth. Kara’s gleaming pearly whites returned as she sat across from Lucy.

 

Kara’s smile flickered for a moment, widened, then settled on a more resolute expression, similar to that reserved for the aliens and criminals she faces as Supergirl. Cutting straight to business, Kara spoke, “So what exactly is going on with you and my sister, Lucy?” Kara crossed her arms, held her stern expression and leaned back in her chair, her body expressing a vibe of impatience and the general sentiment of _well, what do you have to say for yourself?_

 

Lucy was caught off guard by the question and for a few moments she merely sat there opening and closing her mouth as she tried to collect herself and gather coherent thoughts in her mind. Lucy was a smart woman, she was clever and intuitive, and strategic, and yet this impending Kryptonian shovel talk completely blindsided her. _What do I even say to that?_

 

“We’re best friends, Kara.”

 

“Yup. Mhmmm. Gal pals. Bezzie Mates. ‘Best friends’. I get it.”

 

_Yeah...I wish._

“No. Kara. Just best friends. No gal pals. No bezzie mates.”

 

Kara tilted her head to the side and gave Lucy a long, pensive look and observed as the normally brilliantly composed woman fidgeted under her gaze. She was determined to push further, she could tell Lucy wasn’t telling the whole truth.

 

“I wouldn’t have caught you guys...f-fornicating...if you guys were just best friends? C’mon Lucy! You can tell me!”

 

Lucy rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated laugh. “We were not fornicating, Kara. That was also unplanned...Alex came out to me, and she told me about Maggie and how she’s hung up on her and well we just got caught up in the heat of the moment in the locker room. We talked it through. We’re just best friends.” Lucy took a drawn out sip of her coffee, somewhat attempting to school her features and hide behind the cup. She knew it was useless seeing as she was sitting across from a being who literally had x-ray vision, but she tried nonetheless.

 

Kara nodded several times as she absorbed the information Lucy presented her with. She was not yet satisfied with her response.

 

“Maybe I asked the wrong question...what do you want to be going on between you and my sister?” Kara spoke softly, hesitating only slightly because she understood that the topic may be touchy and she was close to Lucy, but still wary of stepping on her toes.

 

Once again, Lucy was somewhat startled by the boldness of the Kryptonian and her mouth hung open for a moment before she smiled and looked down at her hands playing with the sleeve of the coffee cup.

 

“Am I that obvious?” Lucy’s tone was small, soft, there was even a slight wavering in her voice that Kara thought best not to mention. Lucy was still looking downwards, feeling vulnerable and too open for her liking.

 

“I had a hunch...which you just confirmed.” Kara fiddled with her glasses for a moment, debating with herself whether she should continue her train of thought. “I d-don’t mean to...sometimes it just happens when I’m in a room, but I can hear your heartbeat. And hers. I hear the way yours quickens when you see her...or when she looks at you.”

 

Lucy felt naked and exposed in the moment. A gut wrenching ache filled her system, she couldn’t help but panic. She was waiting for Kara to shut her down, to stay away, after all, _Alex deserves so much better. The best. And that just isn’t me._

 

Kara’s next words surprised Lucy _in the best possible way_.

 

“It isn’t just you, ya know? Alex is happier when she’s around you. I see it even if she doesn’t know what it is. She feels more open with you and that’s so important. She needs that. She deserves to be happy and I think it’s hard for her to recognize that for herself because all she does is put other people first, hell I should know more than anyone.” Lucy gave Kara a shaky grin and nod before she continued. “If you want more with her, Lucy, I want you to know that I trust you. I trust you with my sister and you know how big that is. She’s my world, Lucy, and I would be happy for you to be bigger part of it as long as you mean well and will keep her smiling.”

 

Kara’s affirmation of Lucy’s feelings and her placement of trust had Lucy speechless and emotional. It meant everything to her to know that Kara was on board with Lucy potentially pursuing something more with Alex, because she knew that Kara’s opinion was one of the few that mattered in her life. Lucy managed to compose herself enough to let out a breathy, “Thank you, Kara.” She reached over and firmly squeezed one of Kara’s hands in the hope that it conveyed the fullness of her feelings and gratitude. When Kara returned the gesture with a strong squeeze of her own, Lucy was sure that it did.

After a second or two of silence, Lucy got up from the booth.

“I really should head into the DEO now...th-thanks again.” Kara smiled broadly and said her goodbyes to Lucy before getting back on line to grab food and coffee.

 

\------------

 

Alex’s apartment smelled strongly of her favorite French roast when Kara finally came back. “What gives? I said I was getting coffee?” Kara scowled and gave her sister an annoyed glance. “You were taking too long. I was getting cranky. I had to take matters into my own hands,” Alex deadpanned. “What took you so long anyway? Nothing normally comes between you and food?” Alex glanced at her sister curiously as she awaited her answer. She pursed her lips as her sister stumbled and struggled to find her words. “Uh...I uh..It was nothing..J-Just a long line! You know how crazy Noonan’s gets!” Kara yelped out nervously, adjusting her glasses and avoiding her sister’s piercing gaze. She knew that Alex would be mad at her for talking to Lucy. “Mhmmm.” Alex let out an unconvincing sound of agreement but decided to let her sister’s shady behaviour slide for now.

 

Both sisters grabbed a sticky bun and curled up on the couch, the box resting across Kara’s lap for easy access. “J’onn said I don’t need to come in today, so we have time to talk. What’s up with you, Kar?”

 

“Alex! I should be asking you that! You need to tell me everything! And don’t try to avoid what we both know I’m talking about,” Kara said sternly. “What’s going on between you and Lucy?” Kara was doing her best not to squeal and jump at her excitement for her sister, but she couldn’t prevent the smirk plastered across her face as she awaited Alex’s response.

 

“Noth-.”

 

Kara cut her off. “I swear to god, Alex. The next word that comes out of your mouth better not be ‘nothing’. I have eyes, ya know! X-ray vision even! I know something’s going on...hell I’m scarred for life because of what I saw in the locker room. So...cu-cut the shit!”

 

Alex laughed loudly at the sound of her sister cursing. It wasn’t every day that the normally reserved, prim and proper reporter allowed herself to get wound up like this and Alex, being the little shit that she is, wanted to savor it and draw it out. She quirked her lips to the side and shot her sister her best look of innocence featuring doe eyes and her hair pushed behind her ears. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Kara. We’re just best friends.”

 

 _These dorks. They're both so smart and yet they are both walking on egg shells around each other._ Kara glowered at her sister’s mocking tone and gave her a slap across the arm. “C’monnnnnn Alex! I thought we tell each other everything!” Kara whined childishly and decided to use another method of attack. Strongly pouting, Kara spoke more gently in attempt to coax a real answer out of her sister, “Don’t you trust me?”

 

Alex groaned in frustration. They both knew she couldn’t resist her sister’s pout and she cursed the day she ever taught her sister that move. _She’s been fucking using it against me ever since, goddamit._

“Kara. Quit it. You know it’s not like that. I just don’t know what to tell you.”

Pleased to see her sister softening, Kara spoke, “Well...make it simple. Do you like her?”

 

“Kar! Of course I like her, we’re best friends...besides you of course. Things aren’t that simple though...There’s still…”

 

“Maggie.” Kara provided gently.

 

“Yeah.” Alex leaned her head on Kara’s shoulder and took in her comforting presence as she munched away at the sticky bun in her hand.

 

“I’m an idiot, ya know?”

 

“Alex. You’re the smartest person I know! You’re no idiot.”

 

“Pfft. Okay.” Alex said in disbelief. “Well then why didn’t I know I was gay? And why couldn’t I tell that Lucy was flirting with me all the time back at the desert base?” Alex grumbled at herself.

 

“And well...why doesn’t she want me?” Alex whispered so softly that if it weren’t for Kara’s super-hearing she would have missed the self-deprecating dig. Kara knew from her sister’s slight quivering lip and furrowed brow that she was doing everything she could not to break again. Kara’s own eyes watered at the sight and her heart ached, so she did the only thing she knew how to in the moment. She shifted the box of baked goods off her lap and bundled her sister against her side, wrapping her in warmth and love and comfort. She knew Alex wouldn’t want her to acknowledge the slow and steady stream of tears now sliding down her face, so she pulled her down making sure her head was resting against her lap. She ignored the pool of wet tears forming on her leg while she lovingly combed her hands through Alex’s hair. She let her sister settle there for a few moments until she heard the sniffling slow, then she spoke.

 

“You know...if anyone’s the idiot in this situation...it’s Maggie.”

 

“Lucy said the same thing.”

 

“Yeah, well...Lucy is a smart woman.”

 

Head still in her sister’s lap, Alex felt comforted and loved, and she allowed herself to share her thoughts.

 

“I just wish I could get over her. I just wanna flush her outta my system? But at the same time, I don’t want that. Because what I feel with her, even though I’m hurting right now, is so incredible and inspiring and _overwhelming_. Part of me wants to hold on to that, ya know? Because it’s so strong and I can’t help but know in my gut that there is no way in hell what I’m feeling is one-sided. But then again she had a girlfriend then she said she doesn’t see me like that...but we had moments...moments where I _swear_ the world slowed and we were the only two beings on earth and _the way she looked at me_...I know it just wasn’t me. But she’s not ready...or I’m not ready...fresh off the boat...whatever.”

 

Alex sniffled a few more times and played with the loose strings on the pillow she was hugging. “I can’t see my life without her either. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.” Kara nodded in understanding, but didn’t speak knowing that Alex needed the silence to keep her thoughts flowing freely. She was wary not to spook her.

 

“Lucy...there’s something there. She makes me hurt less. Makes me feel something, but I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s enough. Lucy deserves everything. She deserves someone who can give her all of themselves with no reservations and right now I can’t be that person...she can’t be treated like some consolation prize, ya know? Because Lucy Lane is _no_ _fucking consolation prize._ She’s incredible. But that’s all besides the point...because she used to like me and now we’re just friends. Best friends.” Alex nodded to herself.

 

“Why is timing such a bitch, Kar?”

 

Kara rubbed Alex’s back comfortingly. She bit back her urge to tell Alex of Lucy’s feelings for her, knowing it was best if the two worked it out between themselves. She had faith in them.

“I don’t know, Alex. I’m sorry. I’m sorry things are like this right now. I love you, okay. I love you and I promise things will work out and I’m here for you always. You don’t always need to be strong for me, Alex. It’s okay to let yourself feel. It’s okay to let yourself fall. I’ll always be here to catch you.” Alex gave Kara a strong squeeze to her hand as she acknowledged her loving words.

 

“Even in the times where I know you find it hard to love yourself, Alex, I want you to remember that I love you, so many people love you. You deserve to be happy. More than anyone in this world.” Kara reassured her sister, pulling her up and into a superpowered hug that she only retreated from when she heard Alex’s tight breath of, “Ribs.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

Alex laughed breathily, finally recovering from her teary rant. “You’re okay, Kar. I love you. So much. Thank you for always knowing what to say.”

 

Kara gave her hand a tight squeeze. “I think you could be happy with Lucy, Alex. I mean you guys always seemed to mesh well together and while I saw…a bit too much..meshing... for my liking recently," Kara blushed. "I want you to be happy. I know you may not be ready yet, but I see it. And while I’m not happy with how Maggie hurt you, I understand why you want to keep her in your life...I’m just protective and I kinda still wanna throw her into space.” Alex shot her a disapproving look.

 

“Obviously, I won’t...but I could...anyways, Alex, what I’m trying to say is that whether it’s with Lucy or Maggie or anyone else...I just want you to be happy and I’m here to support you no matter what.”

  
The sisters fell into a comfortable silence, conveying their love for each other without words. Alex remained tucked into the warmth of Kara’s side while they turned on Netflix and watched Gilmore Girls, occasionally commenting on Lorelai’s snarky comments and the quirky townsfolk of Stars Hollow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes…I didn't proofread and I don't have a beta but I'll get back to it and make changes if necessary lol
> 
> Let me know what you guys thought of this chapter! Your comments and kudos are so appreciated and you're all seriously blowing me away with the feedback! Please keep it up! It keeps me motivated to write more!
> 
> Also question…do you guys want to see supercorp in this fic? It would be minor relative to the other relationships, but let me know in the comments!
> 
> Also, yikes, I'm sorry (but also I'm not) I realized after posting that I've hit 20k words already and Alex and Maggie have barely had any interactions so I guess the slow burn is seriously happening and it's killing me too don't worry. It'll be worth it! Hope you guys are prepared for the slowest of burns! All aboard the angst train!


	9. Back to Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Maggie catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is your Sanvers Centric chapter! Dreading this hiatus but aw man thank god for The Great Yeet™. 
> 
> This chapter is full of fluff and pining and mild angst and Sanvers being dorks. When will these two figure themselves out? I have no idea? Time will tell.
> 
> Enjoy!

It’s been a chaotic past two weeks. There had been four more body drops with an identical MO as the Vrang found in the alley. All of the victims are of alien descent, and although they are all different species, each new body is covered in stitches, scar tissue, evidence of experimental medical procedures, as well as at least one missing organ. Much to Alex’s annoyance, Winn has taken to calling this the “Frankenstein” case and it stuck.

 

Lucy has been staying with Alex during most of this time as she was still too preoccupied with work to properly search for her own apartment. To be honest, both of them felt pretty relaxed in the current living situation. Alex made certain that she assured Lucy that she was under no rush to leave. She appreciated having the company after work and liked having someone to toss a drink back with in the comfort of her own place. Lucy also understood the toll of a hard day at the DEO and so, they were patient and kind to one another, creating a comfortable type of routine that both women weren’t necessarily accustomed to. Lucy has been battling with herself as she hasn’t mentioned her feelings to Ale. She was still anxious of the repercussions, but she felt like she was in a dream-like state being able to come home to Alex every day. Things were comfortable, friendly, maybe borderline overly friendly at times, but the two had found themselves back in the swing of things, and both felt grateful for this.

 

However, it’s been several days since Alex has even seen Lucy as she had to return to the desert base to handle some pressing matters and she jokingly departed from Alex’s apartment with a cheeky, “Hold down the fort for me, Alex.” So, that’s what Alex has been doing. They’ve been texting and checking in, Lucy would be back soon, but for now Alex was busy at work.

 

The DEO still didn’t have any hard evidence that these murders are part of a CADMUS op, but Alex is sure that they alone have the resources to perform these crimes. She’s been in communication with Maggie and things had been bumpy at first but the collaboration was necessary and for the most part, things have smoothed themselves out, _at least professionally_. Alex and Maggie have been talking nonstop about the case for the past two weeks and they have seen each other briefly at crime scenes, but they haven’t had any real social meetings since they played pool after Maggie’s heartfelt speech outside of Kara’s place. It wasn’t for lack of trying, however, as Maggie texted Alex regularly about meeting up for a drink or game of pool. The detective missed her company greatly, she wanted her friend back. Meanwhile, Alex also missed the dimpled detective, yet she was also grateful for the distance. She was doing her best to come to terms with herself. Alex wasn’t avoiding her per se, she just wasn’t making the effort to see her, and for that she felt immensely guilty. Alex knew she was being a shitty friend, and she would have to address her behavior sooner or later. She was hoping for later...but of course, things rarely go according to plan.

 

Alex was at the latest crime scene of the Frankenstein case. Outside of an abandoned warehouse was a middle-aged male Rotikklon who had his tongue and brain surgically removed. As Alex was rising from her crouched position over the body, she heard a familiar voice call out.

“Danvers! It’s been a hot minute. Things are wrapping up here...do you wanna grab some food? I know a great place that’s not too far from here.”

 

Alex felt herself tense at the invitation. She knew she couldn’t avoid Maggie forever, so she gave a shaky nod and her best attempt at a believable smile. “Sure, Sawyer.”

 

Maggie’s dimples were on full display as a bright smile lit up her face. “Great, Danvers! Just follow me on your bike, I’m in the cruiser.”

 

“Sawyer, you mind if I catch a ride with you? I hitched a ride to the crime scene with Supergirl.” Alex spoke carefully. She swears she saw Maggie’s jaw clench before she gave her a nod and waved her over so they could walk towards her car.

 

Maggie was hoping things between the two would have mellowed out by now, but she felt Alex’s apprehension and she’d be lying if she wasn’t anxious as well. Their relationship was important to her and she didn’t want to lose it. She took Alex’s acceptance of her invitation as a sign of progress and took the tension in stride. _I’ll take what I can get._ The drive over was mostly filled with talk about their latest cases and sharing intel about this Frankenstein case. The car finally came to a stop outside a tiny diner that was a few blocks from Maggie’s precinct. “I know it doesn’t look like much, but this place is great. Trust me, Danvers.” Alex gave Maggie a soft smile before following her inside and taking a seat across from her in a small red and white leather booth.

 

The establishment resembled a classic old 50’s diner with shiny chrome plating and an old jukebox in the corner. Besides them, there were only two other people eating at the diner, both of which happened to be aliens. A few moments after they had taken a seat, an elderly alien woman with pointed ears and skin that was lightly tinted blue, approached their table. Alex recognized her as an Aronian, a member of a peaceful race that sought refuge on Earth after their sun had collapsed.

 

“Hiya, Mags. How’s it going?” The woman greeted the detective cheerfully and with great familiarity. “Hi, Elle! How are Greg and the grandkids?” Elle gave a bright smile which showed off her sharper-than-average teeth.

 

“Oh, they’re doing great, honey! Thanks for always asking! And who’s this lovely person...is this the agent girl you keep telling me about, dear?”  

 

Alex’s eyes widened and heart fluttered as Maggie grew adorably flushed. A tinge of pink colored her cheeks as she appeared tongue tied for the first time in front of Alex. She managed to squeak out, “Elle, this is Alex Danvers… That annoying agent who stole my crime scene.” Elle shot Maggie a knowing look with raised brows. Alex outstretched her hand and gave the woman a strong shake, “Pleasure to meet you, Elle!” She was grinning broadly at the alien. _Maggie talks about me...she keeps talking about me. Is that normal? What does that mean?_ Alex noticed Maggie’s blushing cheeks and the way the tiny detective seemed to get even smaller, nervously brushing hair behind her ear and avoiding eye contact. Alex’s heart jumped.

Maggie seemed to still be cringing and sinking inwards, so Alex decided to cut the detective some slack and went ahead and asked for two black coffees. As much as she wanted to tease Maggie and prod her for answers, she knew that if the roles were reversed she’d hate that. So Alex took to changing the subject, “So do you come here often?”

 

Maggie chuckled at Alex’s unintentional use of a trite pickup line, she brushed past it for both their sakes. She was grateful for the change of topic. “Yeah, I found this place as soon as I moved to National City and I’ve been a regular ever since. A lot of aliens come by here since they have a bunch of intergalactic dishes, but if that’s not your thing, they also make some mean burgers.” Maggie took a slow sip of her coffee and looked at the agent. _Alex looks so good today. She always looks good. God, I wanna run my hands through her hair and k-._ Maggie shook herself out of her thoughts. _They were here as friends, two friends grabbing a bite to eat. Nothing more._

 

Alex nodded at Maggie’s response and took a few minutes to look through the extensive menu. She saw the names of foods she’s never even heard of, and some that she’s heard from Kara are really good. “I’ll have to bring my sister here sometime. She loves trying all types of food. I’m sure she’d appreciate this place.” Maggie smiled as she watched Alex’s features soften at the mere thought of her sister.

 

When Elle returned to the table, Alex ordered herself a cheddar cheeseburger with fries and Maggie just said, “my regular”.

 

“What’d you order?” Alex asked curiously.

 

“The Maggie Sawyer special, of course.” She scowled at Maggie’s cheeky grin. She missed it. Her chest tightened at the sight. It felt good to be here with Maggie, if it weren’t for the pangs in her chest every time Maggie smiled or laughed, Alex would have been able to forget her own heartbreak. It’s too bad that Maggie had been smiling at her and laughing with her the whole time. Then again, Alex wouldn’t change that for the world. When Maggie’s eyes were on her, Alex knew she had the detective’s full, undivided attention and it made her stomach flip. She felt acknowledged and appreciated by the dimpled detective, and even though it wasn’t the level of companionship Alex sought with her, she had hope that they would be okay.

 

Meanwhile, Maggie couldn’t keep her eyes off of Alex. She noticed the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled fully and she adored the way she tipped her head back when she let out her dorky laugh. She was so enraptured by Alex Danvers, it was terrifying. Yet, there was something else that was eating away at Maggie’s insides, and she could do nothing to stop her curious nature. “So... how are you and your girl?”

 

Alex spluttered and took a loud gulp of her coffee. “M-my girl?”

 

“Yeah..Lucy was it?” Maggie was doing her best to seem interested but still aloof, like the thought of Lucy and Alex spending time together didn’t make her skin crawl. Alex furrowed her brow and shook her head. “She’s not my girl.” At this response, Maggie’s mind was screaming and celebrating, but she didn’t let it show as she pushed on. She was still skeptical and unconvinced. She saw the way Lucy and Alex interacted. An upwelling of jealousy filled her at the thought.

 

“Mhmmm...so...then why was she wearing your shirt at the crime scene then?”

 

Alex looked at Maggie curiously. _Is she jealous? How did she notice that?_

 

As though she could read Alex’s mind, Maggie continued with her cheeky line, “I’m a detective, Danvers, I detect.” Alex doesn’t call Maggie out on her curious line of questioning, because she thinks her mind is just playing tricks on her. _She’s just asking because she cares about you. She said so herself. Friends talk about this stuff. This is normal. Don’t make it weird._ Alex was a bit flustered, and again Maggie seemed to have an instant read on the agent.

 

“We’re friends, Alex. Friends talk about girls and guns, and all that shit, right? So tell me...how’d it all start?” Maggie was a bit startled by the laugh that erupted from Alex, seemingly at an inside joke with herself, but her head tilt and eyes urged her to continue.

 

“Oh..ya know...typical story. Girl meets girl with executive order from the President. Girl gets girl in handcuffs...the usual right?”

 

Maggie makes an obnoxious noise as she chokes on her coffee and her eyes nearly bulge out of her skull. Her mind instantly does a rundown of inappropriate scenarios and she’s a strange combination of jealous, repulsed, and turned on by images of Alex cuffed and writhing. _What the fuck. What the fuck._

 

_Quit it, Sawyer._

 

She feels bile rise up in her system at the thought of these scenes of Alex below Lucy. Maggie does her best to laugh off her reaction and gives Alex a smack across the arm. “You couldn’t have waited until I finished my drink, Danvers, jeez.” She let out a forced, nervous chuckle. “Ya really jumped into this shit, haven’t you?” She raised her mug up to Alex in the hopes that her feigned support of her new relationship would hide her jealousy and distaste for the current conversation. “Props.” Alex gave her an almost knowing look, one that scared Maggie because she felt like she could be read like a book, but to be perfectly honest, Alex has been struggling to interpret Maggie ever since the crime scene.

“I’m just playing with you, Sawyer... Long story short, we met through work and clashed over some Supergirl legalities and whatnot. She was still working as a legal attache for her dad...a piece of shit...and eventually Luce..uh Lucy...she arrested me... for treason...” Alex gulped her coffee calmly.  “Hence the handcuffs,” sh added casually. She nonchalantly went back to sipping at her drink, hiding her amusement as she watched Maggie’s face journey. Maggie’s brows knitted together and her mouth closed and opened several times before she caught up with Alex’s response.

 

“C’mon, Danvers! You can’t just leave me hanging like that. Explain!” And so, after making the detective wait until she was huffing in annoyance like a child, much to Alex’s amusement, she gave her a rundown about J’onn and Cadmus and how Lucy helped them escape in the end, turning her back on her dad and coming to work for the DEO.

 

“...And so yeah, the rest is history.”

 

“Damn, Danvers…” Maggie’s eyes were wide as she was a bit in awe of the convoluted tale. “Do you even have any normal stories?”

 

“You’ll just have to stick around and find out.” Alex flirted and grinned mischievously. Maggie was caught off guard by her desire in that moment. _I don’t plan on going anywhere, Alex._ She wanted to kiss that stupid, smug grin off Alex’s face and she could swear she felt her body starting to lean in when, to her relief, Elle came over and interrupted the moment, placing their food on the table.

 

Alex’s eyes bugged at the sight of the delicious food. She didn’t realize how hungry she was. After thanking Elle for the food, she put some mayo on her burger. Her face was full of child like glee due to the food and Maggie couldn’t help her wide smile. The typical hard-ass agent showing new layers of herself never failed to make Maggie’s stomach swoop. Alex popped a fry in her mouth and let out a near sinful moan that had Maggie’s heart racing and her mind so deep in the goddamn gutter. _Holy shit. Danvers. You’re killing me._ Maggie’s mind was bombarded by thoughts of numerous other scenarios where Alex would be making that same noise. Maggie kept her eyes on her food in the hopes that Alex wouldn’t see the flush returning to her cheeks. She popped a few sweet potato fries in her mouth and hummed in contentment. She was grateful to see that Alex was too absorbed in her food to notice her level of distraction.  

 

After devouring a quarter of her burger, Alex managed to snap out of her foodie haze and peered across the table at Maggie’s plate. She scowled. “Sawyer, please don’t tell me that’s a veggie burger?” The look of disgust which contorted Alex’s soft features made Maggie snort.

 

“Yeah it is, Danvers.” She let out a hearty chuckle at the sight of Alex’s nose scrunching up adorably. “Do you have any idea how bad red meat is for your body...and the environment! The role the red meat industry plays in the climate crisis is insane!” Maggie exclaimed rather loudly, gaining the attention of the few other patrons in the diner.

 

Alex laughed and shook her head. “Fair point, Sawyer...but this burger, holy shit. It might be even better than my favorite food truck in Chicago.”

 

Maggie grinned proudly at the agent’s obvious satisfaction with her choice of venue. Then, knife in hand, Maggie cut a small sized portion of her burger away and outstretched her hand, gesturing for Alex to eat it. Alex’s brow crinkled as she shook her head. “No way in hell, Sawyer.”

 

Dimples in full force, Maggie coaxed the agent on, “C’mon Alex. I promise you’ll like it!” Alex grimaced but turned her head slightly weighing her options. With Maggie’s eyes sparkling and looking intensely at her and her dimples on clear display, Alex’s chest felt tight, she felt weak, she felt lucky she was sitting because that sight alone would have made her knees give. Maggie, sensing that the agent was moments away from swaying, gently said with her brightest smile, “For me?”

 

Alex swooned. Alex caved.

 

“For you? Yeah.”

As she leaned in to bite the piece Maggie was holding, Alex’s heart was racing. _Fucking Maggie Sawyer can just say one word and I’m_ **_literally_ ** _eating out of the palm of her hand. I am so fucked. Fucked. Absolutely fucked. Wait what the fuck? This tastes so good…_

 

Alex chose to ignore the way her tongue may have slightly licked at Maggie’s hand as she attempted to bite at the burger, and in her concentration she missed the way Maggie’s breath hitched at the small touch. Alex couldn’t help but recall the memory of Maxwell Lord attempting to woo her and feed her during their fake date. She remembered other times where boyfriends and dates tried similar actions of affection and Alex was always quick to shut them down. Maggie was different. She didn’t harbor those same reservations when she was with her. She felt both comfortable and eager, and this thought both warmed and hurt Alex.

 

Alex let out another moan as she savored the bite, her eyes closed for a moment, and she muttered a low, “Fuck.” Maggie’s mind was in overdrive. In the moment she was grateful for her hair hiding her surely reddened ears. She looked downwards as she ate away at her fries trying to hide her cherry red cheeks. _Goddamit, Danvers._

 

“Fucking delicious.”

 

“Yea...I thought so too.” Maggie choked a bit when she heard the underlying meaning of her words. _Get your head out of the fucking gutter, Sawyer. You’re not a hormonal teenager....Even though she makes you feel like a lovestruck teenager. Friends. Friends, friends, friends._

 

A comfortable silence passed between the two as both their attentions were fully redirected towards the food on their plates. Maggie noticed a few brief moments of puzzlement spark across Alex’s face and decided it was best to leave her be. She knew Alex would talk when she was ready.

 

“I’m confused.” Alex finally said roughly.

 

“About?” Maggie spoke gently, but with purpose.

 

“Lucy.” Maggie’s stomach dropped. _You did tell her to talk to you about these things. You did it to yourself._

 

“I think I used to like her...like before I knew I was gay, thinking back there were definitely signs...things, moments, between us.”

 

Maggie swallowed loudly and bit back any sarcastic thoughts she was harboring. She felt nauseous again. “And now?” She practically whispered.

 

“And now…” Alex shook her head as she tried to piece together her thoughts. She was moving her fries around her plate as she rambled on. “Now, we’re best friends...but we made out twice…” Maggie winced. “And things got heated and interrupted and we stopped and we talked and I- I think things are okay right now...I’m just scared of changing what we have or losing her...and...to be honest,” Alex’s voice drops to a faint whisper, “my heart’s not in it right now...and I don’t want to hurt her if she wants more.”

 

Maggie looks at Alex sympathetically, a picture of conflict and pain clearly marking Alex’s face. She reaches over and places her hand comfortingly over Alex’s, gently running her thumb across soft yet calloused knuckles.

 

_It’s hard. I know what that’s like._

 

Maggie meant to say this to herself, but judging by the way Alex recoiled slightly, she cursed herself for whispering it out loud. Alex took Maggie’s response as her lack of heart in her feelings for Alex, but Maggie was referring to the feelings of fear over losing a best friend in pursuit of more.

 

Maggie tried to press pass the awkward moment, “Just make sure you’re both being honest with each other. You guys seem close. It will work itself out. Honesty and communication, that’s all you need.” Maggie did her best to give a believable reassuring smile, but she was certain that it failed to reach her eyes, which were now slightly watery from suppressed emotion. _I wish I could follow my own advice. Honesty and communication, bullshit. It isn’t that simple. But, God, I can’t believe I’m encouraging her to pursue Lucy...but it’s for the best right? She needs a girl like Lucy. Someone good. Someone not like me. I’m too broken for Alex. She deserves better._

 "You deserve to be happy, Alex." Maggie spoke incredibly gently.  _I wish I was good enough to make you happy._

 _Everyone keeps saying that…I just want to be happy **with you** , Maggie. _Alex softly squeezed Maggie's hand in hers, relishing in the brief touch of her soft skin against her own.

When Alex spoke of her confusion and her past crush on Lucy, it hit Maggie in the gut as confirmation that her feelings for Maggie were just a passing phase. After all, _who would want me when they could have her? A beautiful, accomplished woman...and clearly they get along well and they work together and..._ Maggie’s chest was hurting. She told herself that Alex’s words were just reinforcing her fear of being left behind and not a reaction to her growing feelings for the agent, but Maggie was deep in denial. She was also so caught up in her own feelings of self-deprecation that it never even seemed plausible that she was underestimating Alex’s feelings for her. She was so used to not recognizing her own self-worth that the thought of the brilliant and beautiful agent seeing her, _really seeing her_ , was out of her grasp. And so, Maggie let her insecurities win out as she took to urging Alex into giving Lucy a chance.

 

Maggie’s phone rang out with a call from her precinct ending the pair’s lunch abruptly. It was urgent and Maggie was scrambling for her wallet, but Alex insisted that she go and she’d take care of it. Maggie’s eyes softened and she gave Alex a thankful look before tugging her leather jacket on, getting up, and leaning down to give Alex a strong but brief hug. Alex tensed slightly before melting into the touch, her eyes closed when she felt Maggie’s breath on the shell of her ear. “Thank you for giving this a chance again, Danvers. I- I missed this.”

 

“Always.” Alex whispered, her heart clenching in her throat. Maggie gave her one last meaningful look and was off. Alex heard the familiar revving of the Charger’s engine as she drove away. She sat at the table for a few moments, pushing her remaining fries around the plate, pondering over this latest interaction. She left Elle a substantial tip and went to pay up at the register. Just as she was about to leave, she felt the weight of a hand catching on her elbow.

“Thank you for the generous tip, dear. It was good meeting you! I hope to see you around soon!” Elle said brightly with gentle eyes. Alex nodded and returned the warm smile.

“And Alex, dear… ” The agent turned fully to tilt her head and give the woman a curious look. “Maggie is a special one. She’s been coming here for years and I know she doesn’t let just anyone in...You’re the first person she’s brought here.” Alex gave Elle a shaky smile before heading out the door. _Maggie._ Alex’s heart raced and mind centered on thoughts of the tough dimpled detective who was slowly showing her softness and many dimensions to her one small action at a time. _I want to know her. I wish she could just see that this isn’t some experiment for me. God, the way she makes me feel..._

  
  
On the way to her precinct, Maggie’s mind was replaying the lunch with Alex over and over again in her head. Her gut twisted at the thought of Lucy and Alex, but her heart swelled knowing that Alex and her were making progress. She was hopeful. She knew today was a good sign that maybe in the near future they could both get to a comfortable place of friendship and companionship that wasn’t bogged down or complicated by romantic feelings. Maggie breathed in deeply. _Is that really what I want?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So again, sorry for any mistakes. That's on me!
> 
> I hope you guys like my OC Elle. She's a total Sanvers shipper and I'm thinking there might be more of her.
> 
> What did ya guys think of this chapter? Let me know in the comments! Thanks again for all the kudos and feedback! It feels great to see you guys enjoying the story!


	10. The Family We Choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving Dinner in the Danvers Home. A surprise guest, some deep feelings, and serious Sanvers fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy #SanversWeek everybody! 
> 
> Ok, so a couple things:  
> 1\. I'm so sorry it takes me literally forever to update this and it always comes back to the same thing that life gets too crazy. But seriously…it has. I switched jobs (Again) AND I had to relocate to a whole new city. So sorry, I'm really doing my best. I hope these 6.6k words can make up for the wait, it's my longest chapter yet!
> 
> 2\. 600+ kudos!! You guys are seriously blowing me away with the support. I also appreciate every single comment, even if I don't get around to answering. Seriously every single word of encouragement and suggestion is truly appreciated.
> 
> 3\. I'm going to try to write some dribbles or one-shots for #SanversWeek if time allows (idk though) so keep your eyes out for that!
> 
> 4\. So a lot of the lines are taken directly from 2x08 because I thought they did a great job with the script and I wanted to incorporate them into the fic. Also, the whole Alex bringing Maggie leftovers is totally inspired by zennie's Thanksgiving fic which you all should read! She's one of my favorite fic writers and anything she writes is phenomenal so major shout out!
> 
> 5\. Ugh Sanvers feels in this chapter. I'm such trash for these two.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

 

Lucy’s work at the desert base was meant to take several days, but it ended up spanning a little over a week and a half when she got wheeled into some unavoidable meetings in DC. She took the time to reevaluate her headspace and all her latest interactions with Alex. Lucy, with the encouragement and heartfelt advice of Vasquez, decided that she needed to get her own place ASAP. Being surrounded by Alex nearly every waking moment was doing more harm than good in terms of her attempts to stifle her feelings for the agent. She valued their relationship, their friendship, and the potential for more, but Lucy knew she owed it to herself and her sanity to set stricter boundaries. _Not that we’ve been crossing boundaries...but the little accidental slips of seeing one another changing or the small moments of affection here and there are just too much right now. I gotta remove myself from the situation because Alex...is Alex. It’s harder not to fall deeper every time she’s near._

 

By the time Lucy was in a cab on the way to Alex’s place from the airport, she was confident in what had to be done. _My own place. Some space. And these feelings will sort themselves out._ However, when Lucy jostled the spare key Alex gave her and swung the door open, she was caught off guard by the wafting aroma of Italian food being cooked. The delicious smells of basil and peppers and chicken sizzling in a pan had Lucy’s mouth agape as she saw a cheery, docile Alex turn her head away from the oven to give her a smile. The agent lowered the heat on the pans before rushing over to help Lucy wheel her bag in and pull her into a tight hug. “Ugh. I missed you, Lucy.” Alex spoke vibrantly and gave her another tight squeeze before letting go.

 

“Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes. You have perfect timing! I made your favorite!”

 

At the sight of the blatantly domestic scene unfurling before her eyes, all the courage and gumption Lucy had built up to have this conversation quickly got brushed aside by a monumental feeling of longing. _I can table this for now. It’s been a long week and I deserve this right now. I deserve to have this moment…with her._

 

So dinner went on and Lucy and Alex caught up on the past few days. Lucy shrunk back a bit at the mention of Alex getting food with Maggie a few times in her absence. She recognized the look of yearning and a hint of brokenness painted across Alex’s features and in her gut she knew that an identical look could be seen in hers if one looked close enough. Lucy’s hardened will to pull back from her renewed closeness with Alex had ebbed, but in a moment of inner strength Lucy allowed herself to do the next best thing when she spoke, “I know Thanksgiving is coming up in a few days and you said I could join the Danvers shenanigans...but Lois called while I was away. She promised she wanted things to change between us and she invited me to spend some time with her in Metropolis for the holiday.” Lucy spoke softly at first but her voice grew in strength as she continued. She wanted a relationship with her sister even if she was reluctant to take the initial step on her own, but her desire to attend the dinner was laced with other motivations. Lucy felt like spending the day with Alex in such a close, familial, intimate setting would do nothing to dampen her feelings for her. When she saw disappointment flash across Alex’s face, Lucy nodded to herself as a way of insuring that she maintained her course as she went on, “I think it would be good for me...for _us…_ ,” Lucy blushed, “Lois and I-I mean...we haven’t seen each other in ages.”

 

Lucy saw, in typical Alex fashion, her friend’s brief look of disappointment morph into a warm and loving smile. “That’s awesome, Luce. I really wish you could spend the day with us, but I’m hoping everything will work out for you guys. This is pretty big! I know you’ve wanted this for awhile.” She knew Alex wanted nothing but the best for her and that both warmed her heart and broke it simultaneously _because how could I not have feelings for her._ Lucu gave Alex’s arm a brief squeeze.

 

\------

 

Thanksgiving Day

 

Kara had dropped Lucy off in Metropolis in the early morning so that Lucy could save on airfare and she would have the opportunity to briefly see Kal. Now, Kara was bustling around her apartment, utilizing her super speed to set the table while Alex was chopping potatoes and vegetables in the kitchen. Every few chops she took a quick swig from a beer bottle as her anxiety over her mother’s impending arrival grew tenfold by the hour. Kara had assured her with a superhumanly tight hug and a loving smile that she would be nothing but loved and supported if she decided to come out to Eliza today. Despite the comforting words and looks of her sister, Alex was still fearful of her mother’s reaction and the gnawing anguish that she would disappoint her in yet another facet of her life was unnerving. While Alex awaited Eliza’s arrival, her mind conjured up images of her mother’s furrowed brow and exasperated huffs, she swore she could hear her disapproving words reverberating in her mind, winding her tighter.

 

When she saw Kara blur past her to intercept Eliza’s knock to the door, Alex’s stomach twisted into gnarled, painful knots. She felt queasy as she tipped her bottle back, drinking every last drop as though her beer alone could provide her with the strength to continue, in her mind this was exactly the case. Just as she uncapped another cold one from the fridge and made her way to pull her mom into an embrace, Kara snagged her beer and put it in the freezer, resulting in widened eyes and sounds of protest.

 

“Oh! No, please!” Alex whined out, only getting Kara’s shaking head as a response.

 

Alex was doing her best to school her features and act normally around her mom. She kept her answers short, but long enough so that she didn’t raise her suspicions that Alex would be dropping yet another bombshell on the woman on this holiday. Apparently, this was Alex’s Thanksgiving tradition. As she found herself scrambling with small talk, she shot Kara a grateful look when she pulled Eliza away to ask for assistance in the kitchen. She could hear her kmom praising Kara as she used her heat vision to cook the Turkey. With both her mom and sister distracted, Alex utilized her secret agent skills to complete her next top priority mission: snagging the whiskey bottle she knew Kara had placed in the freezer. Alex quietly tiptoed over and slyly grabbed the bottle and slithered away with as much stealth as she could muster in her already somewhat tipsy state. When Eliza was turned away and placing sweet potatoes in the oven, Kara gave Alex a stern, knowing glare and mouthed “quit it!” Alex scowled at her sister and slumped back to reluctantly place the bottle on the counter. Knowing full well that she would be heard, Alex muttered briefly about stupid superhearing and she huffed out how Kara keeping her from drinking was homophobic. Kara wore a scandalized look and Alex rolled her eyes goodnaturedly before walking over to the couch where James and Winn seemed to be deep into conversation. While Winn was leaning forward to talk, Alex nonchalantly swiped the beer bottle out of his hand knowing that Winn would be too intimidated to protest. She smirked to herself at the dynamics of her relationship with the man she came to think of as her little brother. However, Alex's sentimental thoughts turned to one of annoyance when her ears finally tuned into the conversation James and Winn were having about the Guardian.

Alex was overrun with anxiety over coming out to her mom and friends officially. She didn’t want this moment cast in the shadow of this secret reveal that would surely put her sister in a less than cheery mindset. Alex felt guilty about hiding the Guardian identity secret, but it also wasn’t her secret to tell. Plus, she desperately needed Kara in her corner right now. After threateningly pointing her finger at the guys and harshly warning them about their “vigilante hijinks”, Alex downed the rest of her beer. She was grateful that she had waited to check her phone until after the beer was done because she definitely would have done a spit take after reading the start of a surely very crude, sexual and vulgar chain text from Lucy greeting her about Thanksgiving. She shook her head in amusement as she typed out a quick text for Lucy.

 

 **Alexandra: [4:52 pm]** Hoevember? Really Luce!?

 **Alexandra: [4:53 pm]** Glad you got there safe. Hope everything’s going well with Lois. Can’t wait to hear about it when you get back!

 

Reading over the text again, Alex snickered and went to forward the message to Kara knowing that the look on her sister’s face would be priceless. However, at the last moment Alex decided against sending the vulgar chain text because she was worried her mom would end up seeing it on Kara’s phone. However, Alex was determined to share this ridiculous message with someone, so in her state of amusement and upwelling playfulness she clicked on Maggie’s contact and fired off the text. She was certain that Maggie would get a kick out of it and she felt a pang in her heart at the thought of Maggie spending the holiday at the precinct. The two have been a much better place even though their hang outs were still riddled with stumbles and slightly awkward moments filled in by Alex’s flushed cheeks and stammering as well as some heady looks of Maggie that made Alex’s heart flutter and question. After much deliberation, Alex had invited the detective to the Danvers family dinner. When she saw Maggie hesitate and tense minutely, she had fumbled over her words and rambled about it not being a big deal since it wasn’t just strictly for blood relatives. Alex couldn’t hide her brief look of disappointment though when Maggie gave her a polite slightly-smaller-dimpled smile as she declined the offer. Maggie had explained that normally she’d go to Blue Springs for the holidays, but this year it didn’t work out as she was put on shift. Alex sensed other underlying reservations in the detective’s response, but decided it was best not to prod. Maggie was like her, after all, she wouldn’t respond well to someone trying to pry them open to share.

 

As everyone was congregating to the table at Eliza’s call to start dinner, Alex’s grin widened when she felt her phone vibrate.

 

 **Sawyer: [5:02 pm]** You’re something else, Danvers *laughing emoji*

 **Sawyer: [5:02 pm]** Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Tell  how it goes over pool this week!

 

\-------

 

The five took seats at the table with Eliza and Alex at the heads. As her mom asked Kara to do the honors of beginning the traditional Danvers tradition of going around the table saying what you’re grateful for, the aroma of the heat-visioned turkey, glazed carrots, and sweet potatoes swirled around the apartment. Alex also took notice of the empty seat but placed setting to her left. She raised a curious brow, but tuned into Kara’s speech as she took a large gulp of her red wine. Alex’s mind was racing and her stomach was in knots at the thought of her impending confession. She could feel her palms getting clammy and a bead of sweat trickling down her temple despite the brisk November temperature. When Kara invited someone to start and both James and Alex stood up simultaneously, well Alex, in her well past tipsy state, stumbled more than stood. Kara could hear her sister’s rapid heart beat and her eyes kept flitting back and forth between James and Alex. As James spoke of how understanding Kara was and Winn chimed up in agreement, Kara’s brow furrowed in confusion when she heard Alex interrupt James several times in disagreement, ultimately causing him to pause, form a tight-lipped smile, and take a seat.

With the alcohol warming her body and pulsing through her veins, Alex, wine in hand, struggled out of her chair as she spoke. She slurred and rambled, her eyelids slightly heavier than normal due to the cloudy effects of her drinks.

 

“I-I’m just gonna jump in and say...there are so many things I’m thankful for.” Alex stood up more fully now and began waving her arm, gesturing at herself. “There’s so many things that I’m thankful for an-and I’m honestly- I don’t think I’ve ever really felt this much like myself then we’re- then right now.” Alex nodded her head strongly as she made eye contact with her sister who had wide eyes focused on her. A nervous, small smile could be found on both their faces. Alex continued, “And so...there’s a reason for that and that reason well...that reason is...see the thing is I-” Alex continued to stutter and speak in broken sentences as she made eye contact with her mother’s questioning gaze which resembled too closely the many scolding looks she obtained from her mother growing up. In a sudden upwelling of panic, Alex swayed slightly as her jaw open and closed as she tried to figure out her next move. Nervously combing through her auburn curls with her wine-free hand, Alex looked back to Kara with a desperate, pleading look in her eyes. _I can’t do this. Everyone is looking at me. Mom is looking at me. Like that. Like I did something wrong. Like she’s waiting for me to disappoint her again. I can’t. Kara. Do something please._ Just as Kara recognized her sister’s silent cry for help, she registered footsteps outside the door and sped over just as the first knock sounded throughout the apartment.

 

Alex sits down and slumps forward in her seat. She decides for her own sake to avoid the surely discontent mother. Alex whipped her head around, a bit too quickly for her liking in this state, when she heard the somewhat familiar lilt of a certain CEO. Alex tilted her head slightly to the side, a habit she seemed to have picked up during her growing time with Maggie, and she took in the sight of Lena Luthor in the doorway of her sister’s apartment. Her green eyes were bright and brought out by the dark navy A-line dress she was wearing. Alex wasn’t blind and as she had grown more comfortable in her status as a lady who loves ladies, she couldn’t help but notice Lena’s fantastic figure and she found herself blushing lightly.

 

“I’m so sorry, I got held up in the office, Kara.”

 

Kara’s smile increased exponentially in magnitude at the sight of Lena. Her dark hair was down and flowing in great contrast with her pale, alabaster skin and sinfully red lips. Kara too found herself blushing slightly as she realized she had allowed her gaze to linger a second too long. She motioned Lena inside quickly.

 

“No worries, Lena! I’m so happy you could come! We’re just starting. I saved you a seat next to me!” Kara gave Lena’s arm a humanly firm squeeze and Lena’s breath faltered slightly at the small contact. She was hesitant about this whole dinner ordeal as she isn’t really familiar with warm, familial settings such as this, yet Lena’s heart was also warmed by Kara’s eager invitation. The way the blonde reporter looked at her without judgement or malice or fear of her last name made Lena’s heart race. Kara gave quick introductions to everyone and Lena made sure to shake Eliza’s hand firmly and she gave Alex a nervous close-lipped smile as she felt herself getting looked up and down. Lena was drawn to see the agent’s slightly narrowed eyes which seemed to be measuring and gauging every slight motion she made, every breath she took. The close scrutiny made Lena nervous but her system calmed a great deal when she felt Kara gently grasp her hand and tug her to the table.

 

“C’mon over! Before the food gets any colder!” Lena grinned softly and pulled away briefly to grab the expensive bottle of red wine out of her tote. “I didn’t want to come empty handed. I hope everyone’s good with red?” She spoke firmly but there was an edge of apprehension in her words. Lena was most caught off guard when a firmer grip took her arm and led her to the table. She found a small smile on Alex’s face, “I’ll take that. You take a seat.” She watched Alex so look at the bottle’s label appreciatively before uncorking it and pouring herself a glass. _It seems I found a way to at least one of the Danvers’ girl’s hearts_.

 

\--------

 

The rest of dinner went relatively smoothly with a few hiccups and moments of silence here and there. Eliza made sure to ask each of her kids (Winn and James) included about how their lives have been since they’d last seen one another. Also, trusting in Kara’s judgement of the younger Luthor, Eliza acted openly and warmly to Lena as she made sure to include her in conversations and ask about her latest dealings. Lena did her best to mask her surprise at the affection and warmth being sent her way, surely this was a first in her life since the Luthor family dinners were thick with either silence and overbearing expectations regarding etiquette or the stifling awkwardness of small talk, if anything.

 

Alex remained relatively quiet for the duration of the dinner. She kept her head down unless she was piping up to ask for someone to pass the carrots or a hearty helping of mashed potatoes. The food was helping her sober up a bit, but the uneasiness in her gut lingered over her inability to come out. This felt like another failure in her mind, another way she was disappointing people, in this case herself. She wanted to be brave and to share this huge new revelation of _I’m a lesbian_ but her fear paralyzed her in a way that was rare for the doctor-doctor-secret-agent.

 

When conversations hit a lull as everyone was feeling the effects of their full bellies, Alex started gathering up dishes to wash off. Winn and James headed out while Lena and Kara were sitting together on the couch. Alex saw that Kara’s smile was bright and her head tipped back in laughter at a comment from the CEO. She was wary of Lena, but for now her little sister seems happy and that’s what Alex wanted for her. Besides, Alex’s focus was primarily on the upcoming conversation she knew was coming as she felt her mom enter the kitchen. She tensed involuntarily.

 

Eliza spoke firmly yet gently, her words loaded, “So what is it?” She put her hand on Alex’s to still her aggressive scrubbing. She saw the stillness of her frame.

 

“Oh, wh-what? Nothing? What?” Alex was trying to calm down so she could play off her slight dinner breakdown as an effect of the wine, even though that was another conversation she would be reluctant to have with her mother.

 

“Honey, I know you’ve been trying to tell me something,” Eliza pushed softly. Alex’s brow crinkled and lips tightened into a thin line as she shook her head several times in denial.

 

“Uh…” Her jaw opened and closed, just as it did at dinner, as she searched for a more intelligible response. She puffed her cheeks out a bit, blowing out a shaky breath, “No...nuh-uh.” Alex made some distance between her mother and herself as she shook her hand and walked to the kitchen island to grab more dishes. _Fuck. Does she know? Why does she always know?_

 

Alex stopped in her tracks while she was facing away from her mother, she let out a deep, frustrated sigh, closing her eyes for a moment in order to steel herself. “How?” Alex looked up as her lips pursed and her eyes shut. Her body was stiff, she looked  as though she were readying herself for a hard impact, and in a way she felt she was. She kept shaking her head to herself. She still couldn’t manage to turn around and make eye contact with her mother.

 

“Keeping a secret disagrees with you, sweetie.” At this, Alex slowly turned around with widened eyes and a slightly opened mouth. Her arms were crossed, as though this extra barrier could save her from the scolding she felt was underway. She bit the inside of her cheek, shaking her head once more. “This isn’t like that, Mom.” Alex’s eyes took to staring at the floor as she continued to avoid her mother’s gaze.

 

Eliza softened and took a step closer to her eldest daughter, but stopped there. She knew Alex couldn’t be crowded right now. Her next words were said quietly, meant to provide gentle encouragement alone, “Does it have anything to do with Maggie...you mention her a lot?” Eliza sees her daughter’s breath hitch and a new wave of tension enter her frame. As Alex’s mouth opened and closed again as she tried to gather her bearings, Eliza took a final step closer to her. She kindly reached her hand out to grab onto Alex’s, as though to provide an anchor for her, one they both needed in this conversation. “Or is this about Lucy? I know you have been spending more time together since she’s been been back?” Alex let out a nervous sound that somewhat resembled a laugh, but it sounded pained.

 

Eliza’s thumb lovingly brushed over Alex’s hand. “My beautiful Alexandra, why- why is it so hard for you to tell me?

 

Alex’s gaze was still pointed downwards but now focused on their interlaced hands. Her other free hand was wringing at the hem of her sweater. She let out another deep breath as she gathered the will and strength to speak, swallowing down the pained lump of emotion in her throat. “I feel like I-I’m uh letting you down somehow.” Alex nodded as she spoke and finally mustered the strength to look up and meet her mother’s eyes. She saw only softness in her eyes while her own were glistening with unshed tears.

 

Eliza shook her head as she spoke, “Why would your being gay ever let me down?”

 

Alex’s lip trembled as she tucked her chin in, still maintaining eye contact, but seemingly shrinking into herself a bit. Her auburn hair shook side to side as she let out a breathy, “You always wanted me to have a regular life…”

 

Eliza nodded at her daughter’s words, absorbing them, and feeling awashed with a guilt over the pressure she had been placing over her daughter’s existence all these years. She continued, “Alex, look at the life our family has led...look at me, look at your sister...I don’t-I don’t think you believe I ever expected you to have a regular life.” Eliza let go of their intertwined hands only to reach out and brush aside a stray tear that had fallen from Alex’s eye. She brushed gently over her cheek as she spoke lovingly, “You were always gonna be different Alex, because you were always exceptional.” Eliza closed her eyes and emphasized her words, “And I love you _however_ you are.” More tears escaped Alex’s eyes as she nodded several times as she tried to absorbed the words of acceptance from her mother that she feared would only remain in her dreams. “C’mere,” her mother said as she pulled Alex into a hug, allowing her to let out a few more shaky breaths and shed more tears without fear of being watched. Alex was flooded with an overwhelming feeling of relief and love. She felt like a monumental boulder was taken off her chest and she could finally breathe properly. As she looked over her mom’s shoulder, blinking away tears, she saw Kara’s eyes meet her own and the megawatt smile adorning her little sister’s face added another burst of love that rushed through her system. When Alex finally was ready to pull away she still couldn’t muster up words and instead took to giving her mom one long firm squeeze in thanks for her understanding and support.

 

\------

 

It was a little past 9 p.m. when Lena headed downstairs where her driver came to pick her up. She said her goodbyes to Alex and Eliza, being sure to thank them both for their hospitality and wonderful cooking on Eliza’s part. Kara walked her to the door and pulled her into a hug although she was careful not to crush the boxes of leftovers she managed to convince Lena to take.

 

“Thank you again for having me, Kara. It was a pleasure.” Lena leaned in conspiratorially causing Kara to blush lightly before closing the door. As soon as the door closed, Kara supersped around the apartment, cleaning it its entirety and boxing away more food and desserts before plopping down on the couch with a hefty slice of chocolate pecan pie.

 

“Best dessert in the whole universe!” She exclaimed although her words were muffled between chews. Alex rolled her eyes at her sister before plopping down alongside her. She was on her phone wanting to type out a message of thanks to Maggie for encouraging her to come out to her mom and Kara, but no words seemed to correctly encapsulate her gratitude. She opened the app and hailed a lyft. With her sister enraptured by her pie and her mother busying herself in the kitchen with drying dishes, Alex patted Kara on the knee and stood up. “I’ll be right back.” Before Kara registered her sister’s words so that she could protest, Alex had already slipped on her shoe, grabbed her leather jacket and bag filled with utensils and a bunch of tupperwares stocked with food as she headed out the door. She shot Kara a quick message telling her not to worry before she got into the car.

 

\--------

 

Alex entered the precinct and the bullpen was quiet with just Maggie sitting with her feet propped up on her desk, paperwork sitting in her lap. The detective was biting on a pen cap and looked strained, her hair slightly puffed up as though she had combed her hand through it many times during the day. Alex thought she looked beautiful, but she swallowed thickly and put those thoughts aside. Maggie seemed very out of it or hyperfocused on the paper in front of her as she didn’t take notice of Alex’s presence until the agent loudly plopped the tupperware on her desk and pushed them towards her.

 

A huge dimpled grin spread across Maggie’s face when she saw Alex standing in front of her. Her strained gaze softened at the sight of her. “What are you doing here, Danvers?” She said in surprise. Alex was faintly flushed as she took a seat next to Maggie’s desk. She shrugged. “I was just in the neighborhood,” Alex says nonchalantly. When Maggie pffts at her and raises a brow she says, “I figured you deserved some home cooked food since work kept you from going back to Nebraska.” She popped open some lids and took out utensils and pushed them over. Maggie’s jaw briefly tensed at the mention of the state but she quickly looked down to hide this pained expression. She let out a breath laugh before letting out, “Well I for one am glad because otherwise I wouldn’t be here with you right now.” Alex’s eyes widened noticeably and she relaxes and softens while Maggie internally curses at herself for the sentimental statement. As Alex is fiddling with more of the lids, Maggie turns her attention to the large helping of turkey, potatoes, green beans, carrots and stuffing jammed into the container in front of her. There’s so much in this one tupperware, Maggie wonders what else Alex brought over for her. As she’s cutting into a piece of turkey she can’t help but look up at Alex and smile. Maggie feels so grateful for the agent’s presence in her life and she knows things aren’t perfect between them, but they’ve made so much progress over the past two weeks. _I trust her more than I’ve trusted anyone in a long time...maybe anyone...ever. Huh. Alex Danvers she really is...something special._ In Maggie’s distracted  state she slips with her knife and Alex is called back to attention by the sharp hiss that escapes Maggie’s mouth. The agent swiftly reacts to the sight of blood and grabs a few tissues to apply pressure to Maggie’s palm.

Maggie gestures to where Alex could find a first aid kit and Alex makes fast work of cleaning the cut resulting in a sharp yelp from the detective. Just as Alex was about to chuckle softly she caught a quick glare from Maggie which told her to shut it and instead she swallowed her laughter and grinned to herself returning to doctor mode. Meanwhile, Maggie was doing her best not to think about how good it feels to have Alex’s yet calloused hands touching her skin. While Alex’s sole attention is on tending and disinfecting the wound, Maggie finds herself enraptured by Alex’s care and her breath grows heavier as she takes notice of their close proximity. This is certainly the longest they’ve been this close since the kiss in the bar. Maggie wishes this proximity was a result of another scenario, but she shoves that thought back in the deep recesses of her mind knowing that it will pop up again very soon. As Alex finishes up cleaning and wrapping the cut, Maggie replies with a soft but heartfelt, “Thank you..for this...and all this,” gesturing at her bandage and the food.

 

Alex has a small smile as she shakes her head. “Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Well I told my mom.” Alex grins nervously as she looks down at her wringing hands.

 

“You did! How did she take it?” Maggie encouraged, a growing smile on her face.

 

“Better than me.” Alex lets out an exasperated laugh. She looks back to Maggie with wide, expressive brown eyes, “You know when you uh...first suggested that I was gay I-I denied it...and then,” Alex took a deep breath. “Then I thought it was just about you,” Alex pointed towards Maggie as she spoke, “I mean how could I not like you,” Alex shook her head at the thought which seemed preposterous to her. “But you know deep down I think I still- I wasn’t comfortable that that was my new normal.” She took another deep breath and nodded, “But it is my new normal...and I’m happy that it is because um I-uh now I’m fine...I finally- I get me...and now I realized that it wasn’t about you, but it’s about me living my life...so thank you.” Alex speaks her last words softly and looks up from her lashes with a small vulnerable smile that only Maggie’s been able to coax out of her.

 

Listening to Alex’s speech only served to strengthen Maggie’s feelings for her. She was in awe of her strength and maturity. A feeling of warmth and affection flooded her being and she has so much to say, so much to confess that it overwhelms her. Instead, Maggie settles for a sincere, “Anytime,” and a timid smile.

 

The two fall into a comfortable silence as Maggie eats away at the food with gusto, not initially realizing how hungry she was. Meanwhile, Alex looks over the case files Maggie’s been pouring over during the day, she makes suggestions and notes here and there. Maggie gives appreciative hums between chews. Just as she takes a forkful of apple pie into her mouth, Maggie saw a contemplative look flash across the agent’s face.

 

Alex spoke in slow, measured tones, “You know ever since I was younger...family has never been about blood, it’s always been about who makes you happy. Family has always meant the important people in my life...the ones I can’t imagine my life without. Maggie, you’re one of those people, I hope you know.” Alex blushed faintly and her brow quirked slightly in a sort of worried expression, but she continued, “I know things haven’t been smooth sailing with us...but you’re important to me...and all your help and support during all this has meant everything to me.” Alex reaches over and grabs Maggie’s hand in a pull of strong emotion. “So...not just Thanksgiving and other holidays...but if you need a place to go anytime, or someone to talk to...you’re welcome with the Danvers...with me.”

 

The word “family” always brought out a mixed, strangled response out of Maggie’s mind because she felt like the word lost it’s meaning when she was fourteen years old. When her father kicked her out for being a lesbian, when he turned his back on the daughter he was supposed to love unconditionally. Ever since then, Maggie has felt like she’s been running her whole life away from that feeling of brokenness and emptiness and most days she feels like she’s come up short. Yes, her aunt took her in and loved her and gave her a place to stay until college, but it was never the same. She was never the same. The word “family” was never the same. Alex, however, for the first time since that dreaded day she’s tried to repress, she’s the first person that’s helped fill that void and vacancy in her chest. Maggie still feels broken, empty, but with Alex’s deep brown eyes looking at her with such reverence and adoration, feelings that she personally feels are misplaced, she finally feels a like somebody hears her and sees her and doesn’t want to turn away. A deep surge of heavy emotion takes over and Maggie has never been good at processing these kind of things. Hearing her own words reflected in Alex’s causes her to feel listened to, to feel heard, and God she cherishes this feeling because it’s been such a rare occurrence in her life. Hearing that the feeling of not being able to imagine their lives without the other is mutual is beautiful music to Maggie’s ears.She feels the tears brimming in her eyes and she looks down in order to hide her vulnerability. Her throat feels tight and she can’t get any words out. Alex notices her tension and tears and misconstrues the response. She starts rambling.

 

“Shit, Maggie. I-I’m sorry I didn’t-never meant- I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Ig-Ignore what I said. Shit. I’m sorry, Mag-”

 

Alex’s scrambling words are halted when Maggie gives her hand a squeeze, she didn’t even realize their hands were still joined. Maggie looks back up at her and she sees the wetness in her beautiful normally sparkling eyes and Alex’s heart breaks at the sight. _I fucked up._

 

“No, Alex. It’s not that. You-you’re good. Fine. Didn’t do anything wrong.” This last phrase makes Alex freeze up because the last time Maggie told her she didn’t do anything wrong was the catastrophic aftermath of the kiss. Maggie sees her stiffen and grabs holds her hand more firmly. “No, Alex. I just- shit. I’m not good at this whole emotion thing. Hell...I usually run the second I feel anything real.” Maggie pauses as she realizes what she just sad out loud. She feels bare and exposed at that confession, but she only sees acceptance and kindness and a feeling she is reluctant or maybe wishfully thinking is love in Alex’s eyes, so she continues. “It’s just...what you just said means a lot to me, Danvers…It means everything to me, Alex. I’m sorry I never meant to be an ass but I lied to you about going to Nebraska for the holidays and my family. I haven’t been back there or spoken to any of them really in years...besides my aunt. I jus-I usually take this holiday shift because other cops in the precinct have family and people to go home to, people to see...while I don’t. I haven’t in a while...so I keep myself busy here so I don’t need to think about it. I-I jus- family that’s uh- it’s a loaded word for me...I  haven’t had one in a while.” Maggie sniffles a bit at that admission and wringing her hands, she continues, “I didn’t mean to freak you out or lie...I just never talk to anyone about it...I never had anyone to talk to about it.” Maggie looks up at Alex with eyes and she sees an empathetic look in the agent’s eyes which are glistening with unshed tears.

 

Alex can read Maggie and knows there is more to the story of her past and her family, but she also recognizes that sharing this took everything out of the detective and she doesn’t want to push for more. Her heart breaks for Maggie, at the thought of this beautiful, incredible, brave, kind, selfless woman being alone for so long. _Nobody deserves that. She doesn’t deserve that. God, Maggie…_

Alex pulls her into a tight hug, she hopes to convey all the feelings of comfort she can into this gesture and she chooses not to comment as she feels Maggie shake against her as her shoulder wettens. With the dam broken and her walls collapsing for the first time in years, she desperately clings to Alex’s sweater as though this grasp alone is tethering her to this earth. Alex whispers soft words of comfort and holds her tightly until she feels ready to pull away, even though in Maggie’s mind she never wants to let go of the woman across from her.

It truly astounds Maggie. The rate at which she’s learned to trust and depend on Alex in such a brief period of time terrifies her. It makes her feel helpless, in many ways it makes her feel like that fourteen year old girl again, but unlike her father and everyone else in her life, Alex won’t turn her back on her. _God, I didn’t think I could like her anymore… but...she’s everything._ Maggie is too emotionally exhausted to tell Alex the whole story about being kicked out and it honestly mortifies her that she’s even considering it. She’s never told any previous girlfriend about it, because she’s never been able to get to that place of vulnerability with anyone. _Besides...Alex isn’t your girlfriend...but also...Alex isn’t just some girl._ Maggie feels that she could get there with her eventually, and that’s a monumental admission on her part, but for now, she settles for a hiccuped and sniffled, “Thank you.”

 

With adoring eyes, and a gentle brush against the detective’s cheek, Alex softly, lovingly, reverently says, “Anytime.” Because, just as Maggie felt earlier, there are too many words and emotions swirling in Alex’s mind for her to convey. So, for now she will settle with a gentle look and the meaningful silence that screams louder than any words either woman is ready to share.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Yay or nay for the chapter, you guys?
> 
> Writing this was emotionally exhausting because I'm so invested in these characters. Let me know what you think. Also, no beta, so all mistakes are my own. Sorry I don't proofread.
> 
> Also the whole chain message thing just made me laugh I don't really know why I incorporated them but my friends always send them and it never fails to make me smile. There's a whole buzzfeed article about them so check that out too if you're interested lol


End file.
